What is a fair way to handle when my child blames others for every falling out? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child insists that every disagreement is someone else’s fault, it can leave you feeling both frustrated and concerned. While you want to comfort them, you also recognise that constantly shifting blame prevents essential growth and damages relationships. The challenge is to respond with empathy while guiding them toward personal responsibility, a key foundation of emotional maturity and social harmony. 

Understanding the Psychology Behind Blame 

Blaming others is often a defence mechanism. For children, it protects their self esteem. They might say, ‘It was not me!’ or ‘He started it!’ not out of pure dishonesty, but from a fear of rejection or guilt. Recognising this softens our approach. Rather than confronting blame head on, start by addressing the underlying emotion: embarrassment, frustration, or insecurity. 

You might respond with calm empathy: ‘I can see that made you upset. Let us talk about what happened so we can understand both sides.’ 

This keeps the conversation safe while shifting it from accusation to reflection. 

Teaching Perspective Through Storytelling 

Children understand fairness better when they can see it. Use stories, books, or real life examples where both sides of a disagreement are explored. After reading or watching something together, ask: ‘Do you think both characters could have done something differently?’ 

This method teaches your child that conflict is rarely one sided. It develops empathy, the ability to see from another’s point of view, which is essential for taking shared responsibility. 

Introducing the “My Part” Rule 

To encourage self awareness, introduce what you can call the My Part Rule. Explain that in any disagreement, it helps to ask: ‘What was my part in this?’ 

Help your child see that this is not about blame, but about learning. Even if the other person behaved unfairly, there is usually something your child can do differently next time: speak more calmly, listen better, or set clearer boundaries. 

Role play can be powerful here. Re enact a common conflict and gently pause at key moments: ‘What might you have said differently?’ ‘How do you think your friend felt then?’ Such exercises turn accountability into self discovery rather than punishment. 

Balancing Empathy and Accountability 

Make sure your child feels supported even while being corrected. You can say: ‘I understand why you felt hurt. And it is also important to notice how your words or actions might have affected your friend.’ 

When you link compassion with responsibility, your child learns that both can exist together. They discover that admitting fault does not weaken them; it strengthens trust and respect. Finally, model accountability yourself. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it aloud: ‘I got upset too quickly earlier. I should have listened first.’ Children learn responsibility more from what we live than what we lecture. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, fairness begins in the heart. A believer strives to be just, even when it means acknowledging one’s own errors. Helping your child see their role in conflicts reflects this divine principle of adl (justice), a balance between empathy and truth. 

Justice and Self Reflection in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail, as that is very close to attaining piety…’ 

This reminds us that true justice requires honesty, even when it is uncomfortable. By teaching your child to look at their own part in a disagreement, you are nurturing this spiritual quality of fairness. It shows them that strength lies not in proving they are right, but in being truthful and humble before Allah Almighty. 

Admitting Fault in the Teachings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4251, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every son of Adam commits mistakes, and the best of those who commit mistakes are those who repent.’ 

This teaches us that making mistakes is part of being human, but goodness lies in recognising and correcting them. When your child learns to admit their part in a falling out, they are practising repentance in its simplest, everyday form. They learn that humility brings peace, both with people and within the heart. 

Each time your child accepts even a small share of responsibility, they move closer to emotional wisdom. They learn that fairness is not about assigning blame, but about understanding truth, and that relationships heal faster when both sides reflect honestly. By responding to their defensiveness with calm, empathy, and guidance, you transform blame into learning. Over time, your child begins to see that accountability is not punishment; it is empowerment. It gives them the power to change outcomes, improve friendships, and rebuild trust. Spiritually, this growth mirrors the journey of a believer who strives to be just and self aware. By helping your child take responsibility with kindness, you are nurturing the light of humility, the same light that softens hearts, mends relationships, and brings them closer to the mercy of Allah Almighty.