How do I rebuild play skills so rivalry does not turn into repeat harm? 

Parenting Perspective 

When sibling play keeps descending into fights, pushing, or tears, it can feel exhausting, as every attempt at fun seems to end in chaos. The problem is often not ‘bad behaviour’, but underdeveloped play skills, such as turn taking, self regulation, and the reading of social cues. Sibling rivalry simply amplifies these weak spots. Rebuilding a sense of play means helping your children to learn, or to relearn, how to enjoy each other’s company in a way that is safe, kind, and fair. 

Press ‘Reset’ on Playtime Expectations 

It can be helpful to pause the usual playtime for a few days. You can tell your children calmly: 

‘We are going to start fresh with how we play together. From now on, everyone will get a fair turn and we will make sure that we are kind to each other.’ 

This signals a shift from a reactive mode to one of re-education. You are not punishing them; you are pressing the ‘reset’ button on how they interact with each other. 

Begin with Small, Structured Activities 

You can begin with activities that limit competition and require cooperation. 

• Building something together with construction toys. 

• Completing a puzzle as a team. 

• Cooking or crafting together. 

Explain that successful play means that everyone feels safe and included. Keep these sessions short at first, perhaps five to ten minutes, and always end them on a positive note. A gradual exposure to this new way of playing can help to rebuild their trust in each other. 

Teach the Language of Respectful Play 

Children often hurt each other not through malice, but through their impulsive reactions. You can teach them some clear phrases to use to communicate with each other. 

• ‘Can I have a turn when you are finished?’ 

• ‘That is too rough for me.’ 

• ‘Let us try that again.’ 

You can role play using these phrases outside of any moments of conflict so that they become second nature. This helps to build empathy and clarity, both of which are vital ingredients for peaceful play. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, a sense of harmony in the family is not just about social peace; it is a form of ibadah, or worship. When siblings learn to play with kindness and mercy, they are living out the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ on compassion, justice, and brotherhood. Their playtime becomes an early classroom for the development of their character and faith. 

Unity and Mercy in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This verse calls for restoration, not rivalry. Teaching siblings to rebuild a sense of peace after a conflict echoes this divine principle of reconciliation over retaliation. When their play turns to causing hurt, guiding them back to a sense of calm is a spiritual act of mercy. 

Compassion Between the Faithful 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2586, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The example of the believers in their mutual love, mercy, and compassion is that of a single body; when one limb aches, the whole body responds with sleeplessness and fever.’ 

This Hadith beautifully mirrors the ideal of sibling dynamics, showing that believers, like family members, should feel one another’s pain and protect one another’s joy. When children learn to play kindly, they embody this sense of unity, recognising that harming a sibling harms the spirit of the whole family. It helps to transform a sense of rivalry into one of empathy and it teaches them that a sense of peace in their play is a part of living their faith together. 

Rebuilding a positive sense of play is a slow art that is part teaching and part healing. When you step in calmly, reshape their routines, and praise their empathy, you can help to turn their rivalry into a practice of mercy. Spiritually, every shared laugh that ends in a sense of care, rather than in harm, becomes an act of worship.