How do I secure eye contact without a power struggle over screens? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be frustrating when you speak to your child, but their eyes remain fixed on a screen. It feels as though you are interrupting a world more captivating than your own. The goal is to secure eye contact not by command, but by a gentle invitation, transforming a demand into a natural act of respect and connection. 

The Meaning of Eye Contact 

For many children, being told, ‘Look at me when I am talking,’ can feel confrontational, turning eye contact into a test of power. Instead, you can explain what you are truly seeking. You might say, ‘When we look at each other, it helps us to understand one another better.’ You are teaching that eye contact is about connection, not control. This subtle shift can reduce their defensiveness and encourage a genuine attentiveness. 

Gaining Attention Before You Speak 

The most effective way to regain a child’s focus is not to compete with the device, but to pause before you speak. Move closer, wait a moment, and say quietly, ‘I will wait until you can look up. I want to make sure you hear me clearly.’ Your quiet pause communicates a calm confidence. When your child eventually looks up, you can acknowledge it warmly: ‘Thank you for pausing. Now I can tell you what I need.’ 

Gentle Cues and a Calm Environment 

Instead of calling from across the room, you can lightly touch your child’s shoulder or tap the table beside them. These gentle but consistent cues become a familiar rhythm, a soft reminder rather than a scolding. In shared spaces, you can also create ‘eye zones’, moments when all screens are put aside, such as during meals or prayers. You can frame this simply: ‘In our home, our eyes belong to each other first, before the screens.’ 

Modelling the Behaviour You Seek 

Children learn about eye contact through experience, not just instruction. When they speak to you, it is important to look at them fully, putting your own phone aside and avoiding multitasking. The respect you model is the respect they will mirror. Eye contact thrives in a home where everyone practises it naturally, not selectively. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the eyes are not just physical organs; they are gateways to sincerity, compassion, and mindfulness. A direct and respectful attention is a part of adab (refined conduct). Looking at one another with a sense of presence is a small act of mercy that keeps hearts connected. 

The Trust of Conscious Attention 

The Quran reminds us that our senses are a trust (amanah). Teaching a child to look up from their screen when they are spoken to is part of training them to use their sight with purpose and awareness. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 36: 

‘And do not pursue (to meddle in matters) with which you have no knowledge; indeed, your hearing (everything you heard), your sight (everything you observed), your conscience (everything you thought), in fact, all of these (your faculties) shall be called for questioning (on the Day of Judgment).’ 

This connects the everyday act of paying attention to our accountability before Allah Almighty. 

The Prophetic Example of Sincere Connection 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ are a beautiful model of a communication style that is rooted in openness, sincerity, and emotional connection. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 542, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When one of you loves his brother, let him inform him, for this strengthens love between you.’ 

When a parent secures a child’s eye contact through warmth rather than a command, they are nurturing this same prophetic gentleness, building a sense of love through their attention. 

Restoring eye contact in a world of screens is not about enforcing obedience; it is about re-establishing a sense of presence. When you approach your child calmly, wait for their attention instead of scolding, and model the very focus you seek, you can transform a potential power struggle into a quiet exchange of respect. 

With time, these moments add up. Your child can begin to understand that looking up is not about losing control, but about coming home to the connection between you. In that brief meeting of your eyes, faith and family can meet too: a moment of stillness in a distracted world, and a shared reminder that love, in Islam and in parenting, always begins with attention.