How do I set turns for stories at dinner without arguments? 

Parenting Perspective 

The dinner table holds the potential for warmth and connection, a time for stories to flow and laughter to fill the air. When siblings begin to argue over whose turn it is to speak, however, that peaceful atmosphere can quickly turn to frustration. It is natural for parents to feel caught between wanting everyone to have a voice and simply wanting a quiet meal. The goal is to create an environment where each child feels heard, without the need for competition. 

Create a Ritual of Fairness 

Children respond well to rituals because they bring a comforting sense of predictability. You can make turn-taking feel special rather than forced by introducing a story token, such as a smooth stone or a decorative spoon. Only the person holding the token is allowed to speak. It is also important to rotate the order, perhaps starting with the eldest one night and the youngest the next. When children see that fairness is built into the routine, any resentment they feel can begin to fade. 

Handle Interruptions Calmly 

When a child interrupts, it is often driven by eagerness rather than mischief. Instead of reprimanding them sharply, you can use calm redirection to acknowledge their enthusiasm while reinforcing the rule. You might say, ‘I can see you are very excited to tell your story, and I want to hear it too. Let us finish listening to your sister’s part first, and then it will be your turn.’ The more you use this approach, the more quickly your children will internalise the idea that waiting does not mean being ignored, but showing respect. 

Make Listening a Family Value 

Children learn through repetition and reflection. You can take a moment during a quiet time to highlight why listening matters, perhaps by saying, ‘When we listen carefully to each other, we are showing our love and care.’ By linking the act of listening to kindness rather than to obedience, you can transform your dinner conversations into lessons in empathy and mutual respect. 

Lead by Gentle Example 

Children naturally mirror what they observe. If parents interrupt or seem rushed, children will imitate that behaviour. Make your own listening visible by nodding, smiling, and offering small comments like, ‘That sounds lovely, tell me what happened next.’ When adults model patience, children will naturally follow their lead, learning that love often sounds like silence while someone else is speaking. 

Spiritual Insight 

The family mealtime is a sacred opportunity to practise adab, the refined conduct that is inspired by the teachings of Islam. In guiding your children to take turns and to listen attentively, you are not merely teaching good manners; you are cultivating a spiritual character that is pleasing to Allah Almighty. 

Speaking with Grace and Restraint 

The Quran reminds us that balance, humility, and restraint are the marks of a noble character. Encouraging your children to wait their turn to speak is a way of nurturing these very qualities. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 18-19: 

‘“And do not turn your cheek from people (in pride and contempt), and do not walk on the Earth in self-glory… And be modest in your attitude and lower your voice (in dealing with people); as indeed, the harshest of all sounds, is the noise of the donkeys”.’ 

Through patient listening, they learn to speak with consideration, a reflection of a deep and beautiful humility before Allah Almighty. 

Listening as a Sign of Wisdom 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that a wise silence has the power to protect the heart and refine the soul. In a family setting, guiding children to listen before they speak helps them to develop an emotional restraint that leads to better relationships and a greater self-awareness. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2501, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who remains silent saves himself.’ 

Each turn of listening becomes an act of self-control, mirroring the Prophet’s ﷺ example of measured speech and a thoughtful presence. 

A peaceful dinner routine does not happen by accident; it grows from consistency, compassion, and clarity. By creating a visible and fair system for taking turns, you give your children the security of knowing they will be heard. When this is combined with calm redirection and gentle encouragement, a potential conflict can be transformed into an opportunity for growth. 

Spiritually, every act of waiting, listening, and speaking kindly becomes a form of worship, a reminder that our faith is lived not only in the mosque but also in the home, through the words we choose and the patience we practise. As your family begins to embrace this gentle rhythm, you will notice more than just quiet dinners; you will witness maturity, empathy, and harmony blossoming around your table.