What helps when my child cries “It’s unfair” after waiting? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child bursts into tears crying, ‘It is unfair!’ after having to wait, it can stir feelings of both frustration and sympathy. In that moment, your child is not looking for a logical explanation; they are expressing pain and fear. To them, waiting can feel like losing. The true task here is not only to teach patience but to build trust, helping them believe that fairness holds firm even when their feelings are intense. 

Acknowledge the Emotion Before Correcting 

Begin with empathy. You could say, ‘I can see you are upset because this feels unfair right now. Waiting can be very difficult sometimes.’ Once you see their emotion soften, you can gently add, ‘But we take turns because everyone in this family matters, and that includes you.’ By validating their feeling first and explaining the rule later, you show that the structure of your home is rooted in care, not just control. 

Make Fairness Visible and Predictable 

Children are more likely to accept a system when they can see it working. Use a consistent method for turn-taking, such as a chart, a daily rotation, or a clear family rule. When fairness feels reliable, children no longer see waiting as a personal rejection. You can remind them calmly, ‘Yesterday it was your turn first; today it is your sister’s. Tomorrow, it will be yours again.’ This steadiness builds emotional safety, which is the very foundation of patience. 

Avoid Arguing About the Rules 

A child’s sense of fairness is often emotional, not rational. Avoid getting into long explanations or making comparisons. It is more effective to remain calm and brief: ‘I know it feels unfair to you, but fairness means everyone gets their turn, just not always at the same time.’ Your quiet confidence shows that the principle of fairness is not up for debate; it is part of how your family honours one another. 

Reconnect After the Tears Have Passed 

Once your child has calmed down, sit with them for a moment. You could say something like, ‘I know that was hard, but you managed to wait in the end. That shows real strength.’ This helps to transform a frustrating moment into one of personal growth, allowing them to link the idea of fairness with reassurance rather than resentment. 

Model Calm Fairness Yourself 

Children absorb the value of fairness by what they see, not just by what they are told. When you speak kindly, listen to each person equally, and follow through on your promises, you teach them that fairness is a lived value, one that protects peace and builds trust. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, fairness (adl) and mercy (rahmah) are inseparable. A just heart is a merciful one, and every parent who practises fairness at home is reflecting a divine quality. Teaching fairness through patience is not just a parenting strategy; it is a form of spiritual training in humility, self-control, and compassion. 

The Divine Command for Justice 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty…’ 

This verse reminds us that justice is not situational; it is a command from Allah Almighty, intended to shape both society and the smallest family unit. When you remain fair and calm, even when your child cries that something is unfair, you are fulfilling this divine order through your own patience. 

Fairness as a Path to Divine Love 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1329, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of people to Allah on the Day of Resurrection, and the nearest to Him in station, will be a just leader, and the most hated of people to Allah on the Day of Resurrection, and the furthest from Him in station, will be a tyrannical leader.’ 

Although this hadith speaks of leaders, its truth applies to every position of responsibility, including parenthood. A parent who remains fair, even when emotions are high, is practising a form of leadership rooted in justice. Allah Almighty loves those who act with fairness, and within a family, this means treating each child with balance, kindness, and consistent mercy. 

Every time your child cries, ‘It is unfair,’ you have an opportunity to teach the deeper meaning of fairness: that it is not about always being first, but about always being loved. When you remain patient and consistent, your calmness becomes the proof that the fairness in your home is real and reliable. In that quiet steadiness, your child will eventually learn that fairness is what builds trust, and that trust is a reflection of the justice and compassion that are so beloved by Allah Almighty.