What is a calm way to settle arguments about “who goes first” in games? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few moments test a parent’s patience more than siblings arguing over something as simple as who should go first. What seems trivial to an adult can feel deeply important to a child, representing fairness, power, or simply the need to be seen. When this becomes a recurring conflict, the goal is not just to decide the order, but to build emotional maturity and empathy in your children. 

Understand the Need Behind the Dispute 

A child’s insistence on being first often reflects a deeper need for attention or a sense of fairness. One child may feel overlooked, while another might simply enjoy being in control. Recognising this helps you respond with calm understanding rather than irritation. Acknowledge their feelings by saying, ‘I can see you both really want to start. It is exciting, is it not? Let us find a way that feels fair for everyone.’ This small step validates their emotions and lowers their defensiveness. 

Establish a Fair and Predictable System 

Rather than deciding on the spot, establish a clear and neutral rule for turn-taking that applies every time. You could alternate who starts each day or use a random method like flipping a coin. Consistency is key, as it signals that fairness is not negotiable and that arguments will not change the outcome. You can say gently, ‘Today it is your turn to start because yesterday it was your sister’s turn. Tomorrow, it will be your turn again.’ This approach teaches fairness through structure, not just authority. 

Model Calm Problem-Solving 

When tensions rise, your tone sets the emotional climate for the entire home. Avoid phrases like ‘Stop fighting!’, which can inflame the situation. Instead, lower your voice and speak with composure: ‘I cannot start the game until you are both ready to play kindly.’ Pausing until they settle communicates that calmness is a prerequisite for having fun. You are training them in emotional regulation, a skill that will serve them for life. 

Teach the Joy of Letting Others Go First 

Introduce the idea that allowing someone else to start can be an act of kindness and strength. You might say, ‘When you let your brother go first, you show how generous your heart is.’ This reframes the situation, linking patience with a sense of pride. To reinforce this, praise the moments when one child willingly steps back: ‘I really admired how you waited for your turn. That made the game so much nicer for everyone.’ 

Reflect on the Game Afterwards 

Once playtime has ended peacefully, take a moment to reflect together. Asking, ‘Did you notice how much smoother the game went when we all took our turns calmly?’ reinforces the positive behaviour without lecturing. It helps them to see the direct link between patience, cooperation, and enjoyment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Every moment of sibling conflict is an opportunity to guide your children toward the qualities that Islam treasures most: fairness, gentleness, and humility. Games are not just about winning; they are small arenas where character is forged. Transforming these moments into lessons of faith helps to create a home rooted in peace. 

The Quranic Call for Fairness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail…’ 

This verse reminds us that fairness is a sacred value, not something conditional on our feelings. By helping children accept a fair system and wait patiently for their turn, you are nurturing the principles of adl (justice) and ihsan (excellence) within them. When they practise fairness in small things, they are being prepared to act justly in greater matters as they grow. 

The Prophetic Example of Gentleness 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3688, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness, and He grants reward for it that He does not grant for harshness.’ 

This hadith teaches us that gentleness is not merely politeness but a reflection of a quality beloved by Allah Almighty. When you manage disputes softly, and when your children learn to yield with patience, they mirror this beautiful attribute. Even a simple act like letting a sibling go first becomes a form of worship when it is done with sincerity. 

Patience in play is one of the earliest ways children learn self-control and justice. When you turn daily arguments into calm teaching moments, they begin to associate peace with joy. They learn that waiting their turn does not mean losing, but rather choosing kindness over chaos, and that true victory lies not in going first, but in acting with grace.