What script helps my child when they push ahead to be first in games? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child rushes to be first in every game, it is easy to see it as selfishness. More often, however, it is a blend of excitement, natural competitiveness, and a touch of insecurity. Children push ahead because being first can feel like winning approval or avoiding being left out. Instead of scolding this impulse, you can teach them the calm confidence that comes from waiting, the joy of fairness, and the dignity of kindness. A simple, repeated script can help them pause and act thoughtfully, even in the most exciting moments of play. 

Look Beyond the Behaviour 

A child’s need to be first often comes from a fear of missing out or a desire for attention. When you see this as a form of anxiety rather than arrogance, your response can become gentler and more effective. Remind yourself that your child is not trying to take over; they are trying to find their place and feel secure. This mindset allows your guidance to be supportive instead of reactive. 

Connect Fairness with Friendship 

Children are more receptive to rules when they understand the reason behind them. You can explain the value of taking turns in a way that resonates with them: ‘When everyone gets a turn, the game is fun for all of us. Being fair is what makes people want to play with you again.’ This connects good manners to the rewarding experience of friendship, making fairness a meaningful concept, not just another rule to follow. 

Introduce a Calming Script 

Practise a short, memorable script at home that your child can think of during games. Simple phrases work best: 

• ‘It is okay to wait, my turn will come.’ 

• ‘I can be patient so everyone gets a chance.’ 

You can pair this thought with a physical action, such as a calming breath. Guide them by saying, ‘Breathe in and think, My turn will come. Breathe out and smile.’ Practising this together before playdates or parties will make it feel natural and accessible when it is needed most. 

Guide Gently During Play 

If your child does push ahead, guide them calmly without shaming them in front of others. You could say, ‘Hold on for a moment. We need to take turns so everyone enjoys the game. Let us try again, and you can go after your friend.’ Your calm and steady tone preserves their dignity while reinforcing the importance of structure and fairness. 

Demonstrate Fair Play Yourself 

Join in their games from time to time to model how to wait patiently and joyfully. Say things like, ‘I will let you go first this time, and in the next round, it can be my turn.’ Your child will learn from your example that the goal is not always to be first, but to enjoy the experience of playing together. 

Celebrate Fairness Over Winning 

When you see your child wait patiently or let another friend go first, celebrate that moment as warmly as you would a victory. Positive reinforcement like, ‘You waited your turn so well. That was real teamwork!’ helps to rewire their understanding of success, shifting the focus from being first to being fair. 

Encourage Self-Reflection 

After a game has finished, talk gently about what went well. Ask questions that encourage them to think about their feelings and actions: ‘How did it feel when you waited for your turn?’ or ‘What helped you to stay calm that time?’ This kind of reflection helps them to recognise their own growth and strengthens their ability to self-regulate. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that humility, patience, and fairness are noble characteristics that strengthen the heart and bring peace to our relationships. Learning to wait with grace is an essential part of adab, the refined manners that reflect self-control and respect for others. By helping your child practise fairness in games, you are shaping both their character and their connection to their faith. 

The Quranic View on Honour 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘O mankind, indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have created you all from one man and one woman; and placed you amongst various nations and tribes for your introduction to each other; indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the Omniscient, the all Cognisant.’ 

This verse reminds us that competing for status or being ‘first’ is not what elevates a person. True honour lies in righteousness, which includes fairness, patience, and good conduct. When your child learns to wait their turn in a game, they are practising this profound form of inner dignity. 

The Prophetic Love for Gentleness 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.’ 

This hadith teaches that a calm and gentle disposition, not haste, is a reflection of faith. When your child steps back to let others go first, they are showing gentleness, a quality that Allah Almighty loves. In that small, simple act, they learn that the kindness shown in play is far greater than the victory of winning a race. 

Each time your child pauses before rushing ahead, they strengthen their capacity for patience and empathy. Over time, they will discover that true joy comes not from being first, but from being fair. Your calm reminders will help them grow into a person who understands that good manners are not limitations, but lights that make every game more blessed and joyful.