What can I do when my child throws their toys after being told playtime is over? 

Parenting Perspective 

When you announce that playtime is over and your child begins throwing toys, it can feel both upsetting and disrespectful. Your first thought might be, ‘Why can they not just listen?’ However, this behaviour is not always an act of defiance; it is often a sign of frustration mixed with emotional immaturity. Young children have big emotions but still possess only small regulation skills. Your role in that moment is not to control the mess, but to guide the emotion that has caused it. 

Understanding the Emotion Behind the Action 

For a child, endings can be difficult because they can feel like a genuine loss. When you say, ‘Playtime is over,’ they experience a sudden break from something that was bringing them joy. Their emotions can spike before their logical mind has a chance to process your instruction, and so the energy that was once powering their play can spill out as anger. Recognising this can help you to focus on teaching them, rather than just reacting to their behaviour. 

Responding with Calm Authority 

Before you address your child’s actions, it is helpful to take one slow, deep breath and to remind yourself that your own sense of calm can be a source of safety for them. Raising your voice or scolding them in a state of frustration can often escalate the chaos. When toys begin to fly, you can use your calm authority and some brief, clear words to manage the situation. 

• Protect safety first. You can say, ‘I cannot let you throw your toys. It is not safe.’ 

• Set the limit calmly. ‘Playtime is over now. I know it is hard to stop, but throwing is not okay.’ 

• Offer an alternative. ‘It is okay to feel angry, but let us show it in a safe way. You can stomp your feet or you can take some deep breaths with me.’ 

• Redirect their energy. ‘Let us clean this up together. You can put your blocks into this box, and I will do the rest.’ 

Your calm presence in these moments, when it is paired with short and clear phrases, can help to keep your child feeling anchored. You are teaching them the art of emotional control through your own example, not through the use of force. 

Reflection and Repair After the Outburst 

Once a sense of calm has returned, you can kneel down to your child’s level and try to reconnect with them. You could say, ‘You were feeling so upset when I said that playtime was over, and that is okay. Next time, you can try to tell me that you are sad instead of throwing your toys.’ You can then offer some praise for their ability to calm down: ‘You settled yourself so well after feeling so angry. That was very brave of you.’ This helps to reinforce the act of emotional recovery as a success, not as a source of shame. 

Spiritual Insight 

Moments like these, which can be full of noise, frustration, and flying toys, are also quiet tests of the heart. Islam teaches that our true strength lies not in our ability to overpower other people, but in our ability to master our own selves. When you are able to remain calm in the midst of your child’s chaos, you are practising the virtues of sabr (patience) and of rahmah (mercy), two of the qualities that are most beloved by Allah Almighty. 

The Strength of Patience in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ankaboot (29), Verse 69: 

‘And those people that endeavour (to please) Us (Allah Almighty); so, We (Allah Almighty) shall indeed, guide them (to those pathways) that lead to Us; and indeed, Allah (Almighty) is with those who are benevolent (in their actions).’ 

This verse reminds us that the act of striving for patience, even in our small and daily challenges, is what can invite a divine closeness into our lives. When you are able to restrain your own anger and to act with a sense of calmness as your child is throwing their toys, you are ‘striving’ in the most personal and profound of ways, transforming your own frustration into an act of faith. 

The Prophetic Example of Calm Guidance 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1614, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Kindness is not found in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective.’ 

This hadith shows us that a sense of calm and of kindness can beautify even the most difficult of parenting moments. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never corrected another person in a state of anger. His own gentle composure was able to soften the hearts of others and to inspire in them a sense of respect. When you respond to your child’s defiance in a gentle way, you are reflecting that prophetic beauty, transforming an act of discipline into one of mercy. 

When your child throws their toys after being told that their playtime is over, your own calmness is the real lesson. You are showing them in that moment that even when their joy has to end, your own sense of safety, of love, and of connection with them does not. 

Every calm ‘no’ that you are able to offer helps to build their own ability to handle their frustration without a sense of fear. Over time, they will learn from your own steadiness that playtime can end without anger, and that your love can remain even within your boundaries. Through your own patience and compassion, you are not just cleaning up their toys; you are helping to build a peaceful heart, both in your child and in yourself.