How do I keep calm if my child cries loudly after being told they cannot join a game? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be unsettling when your child bursts into loud tears because they have not been allowed to join in with a game, especially if other people are watching. In that moment, you may feel embarrassed, frustrated, or even tempted to try to silence their crying as quickly as possible. However, these moments are not about misbehaviour; they are about a deep sense of emotional disappointment. Your child’s loud reaction is their own way of saying, ‘I feel left out and I am hurting.’ Remaining calm in these moments will not only help to end the crying, but can also help your child to feel safe enough to be able to learn from the experience. 

Seeing the Situation Through Their Eyes 

To a young child, the experience of being excluded from a game can feel like a profound form of rejection. They do not yet have the emotional maturity to be able to reason that it may not be their turn, or that there may be a rule that they are unaware of. Instead, they can experience a flood of sadness, of frustration, and of confusion. Recognising their perspective can prevent you from viewing their crying as an act of defiance. It is a sign of their emotional immaturity, not of a desire to manipulate. 

Grounding Yourself Before You Respond 

The louder that your child may be crying, the calmer you must try to become. You can pause and take a slow, deep breath before you react. This simple act can stop your own body from joining in with their sense of chaos. It is also helpful to lower your own tone of voice, as a sense of softness can help to regulate their own volume. A calm whisper can often achieve what a loud command cannot. 

Acknowledge the Feeling Before Addressing the Behaviour 

You can say to them in a gentle voice, ‘I know that you really wanted to play, and that it must hurt to be told no.’ This helps to show them your empathy, without you having to agree to their demand. When a child is able to feel that they have been understood, their own emotions can begin to settle in a natural way. Once a sense of calm begins to return, you can add a clear boundary: ‘It is okay for you to feel upset, but crying in such a loud way is not going to change the rule. We can talk about what we can do next.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Parenting is often the training ground for our own spiritual patience. When your child’s tears are echoing loudly through your home or in a public place, Allah Almighty is in fact offering you a moment to be able to practise your own sabr (patience) and your own rahmah (mercy) in action. Remaining calm in these moments is not only a sign of your emotional strength; it is a form of spiritual obedience. 

The Strength of Restraint and Mercy in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse teaches us that our real strength as human beings lies in our own self-restraint and in our ability to forgive. When your child is crying loudly in a state of frustration, your choice to remain calm, instead of reacting with your own irritation, is a mirror of this divine teaching. 

The Prophetic Compassion Towards the Emotions of Children 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 355, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.’ 

This hadith beautifully highlights that a sense of mercy should be the foundation of the way that we treat our children, especially when they are feeling overwhelmed by their emotions. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never dismissed a child’s tears; he always met them with a sense of gentleness and of care. 

When your child is crying because they are not able to join in with a game, your own calmness in that moment can become the lesson that they will remember long after their tears have stopped. You are showing them that your love for them does not have to fade when your boundaries appear, and that a moment of disappointment does not have to mean an end to their sense of connection with you. 

Each and every time that you are able to remain steady in these situations, you are teaching your child how to face their own feelings of frustration with a sense of dignity, and how to seek a sense of comfort through communication, not through chaos. In these small and testing moments, you are not merely managing their emotions; you are helping to shape their faith, their patience, and their own emotional intelligence. 

Over time, your child will learn from your own calm example that even when life has to say ‘no’ to them, a sense of peace is still possible when their heart is able to trust, to feel that it is understood, and to remain in a state of gentleness.