What can I do when my child screams because a playdate is cancelled? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child bursts into tears or begins to scream because a long-awaited playdate has been cancelled, it can feel both draining and confusing, especially when the reason for the cancellation is beyond anyone’s control. You may find yourself thinking, ‘It is not such a big deal,’ but to your child in that moment, it most certainly is. They have built up their excitement, their anticipation, and their emotional investment in the plan, and when that sense of joy suddenly disappears, it can feel like a genuine and profound loss. Understanding this can help you to respond to them with a sense of calm empathy, rather than with a sense of your own frustration. 

Understanding the Emotional Impact of a Disappointment 

Children tend to live almost entirely in the present moment. They do not yet have the capacity to fully grasp the concepts of unpredictability or of flexibility. When a playdate is cancelled, their brain can perceive it as a form of personal loss and of rejection, not just as a simple rescheduling of an event. This emotional shock can often trigger a response of screaming or of crying because their feelings have temporarily overwhelmed their ability to reason. The key is to see their reaction not as an act of disrespect, but as one of pure distress. 

How to Remain Calm in the Moment 

When the screaming begins, it is important to resist the urge to correct your child or to try to explain the situation to them immediately. Instead, you can try lowering the tone of your own voice and acknowledging their emotion: ‘I know that you were so excited about your playdate today. It must feel so sad that it has been cancelled.’ This short and empathetic statement can help your child to feel that they have been understood. Most of the time, what a child in this situation needs first is a sense of validation, not of logic. 

Setting Gentle but Clear Boundaries 

Once your child begins to settle a little, you can calmly state the boundary to them: ‘It is okay for you to feel upset right now, but it is not okay for you to be screaming at people. Let us try to take a few deep breaths together.’ If they resist this suggestion, you can simply model the deep breathing for them yourself, rather than repeating the instruction again. Children are often able to mirror a sense of calmness more effectively than they are able to obey our words in a moment of such high emotion. 

Spiritual Insight 

Cancelled plans may seem like a trivial matter to an adult, but they can offer us some profound opportunities to teach our children about the virtues of sabr (patience), of rida (acceptance), and of having a deep and sincere trust in the divine wisdom of Allah Almighty. Life’s many small delays and disappointments can be seen as a form of spiritual training, both for our children and for us as parents. 

Accepting What Is Beyond Our Own Control 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Taghaabun (64), Verse 11: 

‘And no calamity befalls (upon mankind) except with the permission of Allah (Almighty); and those who believe in Allah (Almighty), He guides his heart (towards the truth)…’ 

This verse reminds us that even the smallest of our setbacks can occur only with a divine wisdom behind them. When a playdate is cancelled at the last minute, you can softly say to your child, ‘Sometimes, Allah has to change our plans for a good reason, even if we are not able to see what that reason is right now.’ Teaching them this can help them to develop an early sense of faith in the divine timing of their lives. 

The Prophetic Example of Calmness in a Moment of Disappointment 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2999, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘How wonderful is the case of a believer! There is good for him in everything, and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude, and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently, and that is good for him.’ 

This hadith is a perfect fit for these moments, as it teaches us that every situation, whether it is joyful or disappointing, can hold a great deal of goodness for us, if only it is met with the right attitude. When your child is faced with a cancelled plan, helping them to practise both a sense of gratitude and of patience in that moment can bring this beautiful hadith to life for them. 

When your child is screaming because of a cancelled playdate, your own sense of calmness in that moment can become their compass. Instead of meeting their disappointment with your own sense of frustration, your empathy and your steadiness can teach them that while our feelings can sometimes feel very big, they can also be managed with a sense of gentleness. 

Every cancelled plan can become a classroom for the development of our character. You are teaching your child in these moments that a sense of patience and of trust do not have to erase our pain, but that they can help us to carry it with a sense of grace. Over time, your child can learn from these experiences that their joy can be postponed, and that their disappointments can be survived.