What can I do when my child lies on the floor screaming because I said no? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child throws themselves onto the floor and begins to scream because you have said no to them, it can feel like a test of every ounce of patience that you possess. Whether you are at home or in a public place, these moments can make you feel overwhelmed, embarrassed, or even helpless. However, this kind of behaviour, though it may seem dramatic, is a normal developmental phase. Your child is not trying to defy you; they are struggling to manage some very big emotions that they do not yet have the words to understand. Your role in that moment is not to try to suppress their feelings, but to guide them through their emotional chaos with a sense of calm authority. 

Understanding the Meltdown 

For a young child, the word ‘no’ can often feel like a form of rejection. They live entirely in the present moment and are not yet able to grasp any long-term reasoning, such as the concepts of ‘later’ or of ‘too much sugar.’ When they are denied something that they want, their emotional brain can flood their system, and they can literally lose control of their body. The floor can become their stage because they are not yet able to express their distress through the use of their words. Recognising this can help you to approach the situation as a moment for guidance, not for punishment. 

Staying Centred in the Moment 

Your own calm presence in these moments is the stabilising force that your child so desperately needs. It is important to stay still and to breathe deeply, as your slow breathing can help to regulate your own nervous system, which in turn can help to calm your child’s. It is also helpful to lower your own tone of voice and to speak to them in a gentle way: ‘I know that you are feeling very upset right now. I am here for you when you are ready to calm down.’ It is best to avoid any negotiation or reasoning in the middle of a meltdown, as their brain will not be able to process any form of logic in that state. 

What to Do After the Outburst 

When the storm of the moment has passed and your child begins to quieten down, you can offer them a sense of comfort, rather than one of criticism. ‘You were feeling really upset just then. It is okay to feel sad when things do not go your way.’ Once they are feeling calm again, you can explain to them, ‘Next time you are feeling angry, you can try taking some deep breaths or you can hold my hand, instead of lying on the floor.’ This can teach them some emotional alternatives and can help to build their coping skills over time. The key to this is to remain consistent. 

Spiritual Insight 

Parenting a screaming child can feel like standing in the middle of a storm, but Islam teaches us that within every storm there lies a call to a greater sense of patience and of mercy. Each meltdown can become a mirror that reflects our own inner discipline, an opportunity for us to practise our sabr (patience) and our ihsan (excellence in our conduct). The act of staying calm in these moments is not simply an emotional skill; it is a form of worship. 

The Virtue of Patience in Our Moments of Trial 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ankaboot (29), Verse 69: 

‘And those people that endeavour (to please) Us (Allah Almighty); so, We (Allah Almighty) shall indeed, guide them (to those pathways) that lead to Us; and indeed, Allah (Almighty) is with those who are benevolent (in their actions).’ 

This verse reminds us that our perseverance in the face of a difficulty can bring with it a sense of divine support. When your patience is being tested by your child’s outburst, your choice to remain calm over showing your anger is an act of striving in the path of Allah. 

The Prophetic Compassion Towards the Emotions of Children 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4943, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy to our young, nor recognises the rights of our elders, is not one of us.’ 

This hadith underscores that mercy should be the foundation of all of our human relationships, and especially of our relationships with our children. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never scolded children in a harsh way, even when they may have acted out. His own beautiful approach was one of patience, of understanding, and of a deep and sincere compassion. 

When your child lies on the floor screaming, it may look like a moment of pure chaos, but it is truly a moment of connection that is waiting to be shaped by you. Your own calmness in that moment does not just have the power to end the meltdown; it can teach them the art of self-regulation through a sense of love. 

Each time that you are able to choose a quiet form of strength, you are communicating to your child, ‘You are safe, even when you are feeling upset. My love for you is steady, and my boundaries are kind.’ Over time, this powerful message can become their emotional foundation, as they learn how to manage their own frustration because they have seen you do it first. 

So, the next time that your child collapses in a moment of protest, you can take a deep breath and remember that your silence is not a weakness; it is a form of wisdom. Your own calm presence is the bridge that has the power to carry your child from a state of chaos to one of peace, a bridge that is built upon a foundation of patience, of mercy, and of a deep and abiding faith in Allah.