What should I do if my toddler throws toys across the room when I refuse a request? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can feel deeply defeating to watch your toddler hurl their toys across the room in a moment of frustration because you have said no to them. You may feel your own anger beginning to rise, or even a sense of guilt, wondering whether you have been too firm in your response. However, a toddler throwing their toys is not a sign of ‘bad behaviour’; it is a sign of an undeveloped emotional landscape. Your child is communicating a feeling that they do not yet have the words for. The goal is not to punish them for their outburst, but to guide them through it, to teach them that their strong feelings can be expressed in a safe and a healthy way. 

Understanding What Is Really Happening 

Toddlers have a very limited capacity for self-regulation. When they throw their toys, it is not an act of disrespect, but an expression of their raw energy, their natural impulse, and their emotional overflow. Their young brains are not yet able to manage the feelings of disappointment or of frustration. In their world, if they cannot get what they want, their next instinct is to act out in a physical way. Recognising this can help you to approach the situation with a sense of empathy, rather than with a reactive anger. 

How to Stay Calm and Respond with Intention 

When the toys begin to fly across the room, your own sense of calmness can become the anchor that your child so desperately needs in that moment. 

• Pause before you react. It is a good idea to take one, slow, deep breath for yourself. This simple pause can help you to shift from a state of reacting to one of teaching. 

• Lower your own tone of voice. You can speak to them softly but also firmly: ‘I will not let you throw your toys. Toys are for playing with, not for hurting people or for breaking things.’ 

• Remove the toy if you need to. Without any sense of anger, you can calmly place the toy aside and say, ‘We can try to play with this again when you are feeling ready to play gently.’ 

This approach helps to keep the focus on their behaviour, not on a sense of blame. It can protect your child’s dignity while still maintaining your own sense of parental authority. 

Teach Them an Alternative Way to Express Themselves 

Once a sense of calm has returned to the room, you can help your child to name and to manage their feelings. You could say, ‘You were feeling so angry because I said no to you. It is okay to feel angry, but we do not throw our toys. You can try stamping your feet instead, or we can take a deep breath together.’ By giving them these kinds of alternatives, you are not just stopping a particular behaviour in the moment; you are teaching them the art of emotional literacy. 

Spiritual Insight 

These chaotic parenting moments can often be a test not just of our patience, but also of our faith. The act of staying calm when a toy flies across the room is not merely a parenting skill; it is an act of spiritual discipline. It is a reflection of your own awareness that a sense of calmness is a form of strength that has been gifted to you by Allah Almighty, and that every challenge you face with your child is an opportunity to exercise your own sabr (patience) and your own sense of mercy. 

Patience and Restraint as Signs of Wisdom in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 126: 

‘And if you have to retaliate (with your enemies) then reciprocate in the same manner in which you were attacked with; and if you show patience (and resilience), then surely this is the best (pathway for) those who are extremely patient.’ 

This verse serves as a gentle reminder to us that a sense of restraint is always better than a pure reaction. When your toddler is testing your limits, your choice to remain calm over entering into a confrontation is a mirror of the kind of patience that is so deeply praised by Allah. It is not a weakness; it is a form of conscious self-control. 

Nurturing a Sense of Mercy in Our Discipline 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4941, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Show mercy to those on the earth and the One above the heavens will show mercy to you.’ 

This hadith reminds us that the way in which we treat those who are under our care, and especially our own children, is a direct reflection of the way in which we are seeking the mercy of Allah for ourselves. Even in our moments of discipline, a sense of mercy should be what guides our hand and our tone. 

Every toy that your child throws is a small and unrefined message that they are sending to you: ‘I do not know how to handle this feeling.’ Every calm response that you are able to offer in return becomes a valuable lesson for them in emotional wisdom. Your silence, your softness, and your consistency can all speak much louder than any reprimand ever could. 

When you are able to choose to respond, rather than to simply react, you are embodying the patience that the noble Quran describes as being ‘better for those who are patient.’ You are showing your child in a real and a tangible way that a sense of calmness is not a passive state; it is a powerful one. 

One day, as your toddler grows into a more thoughtful child, they may not remember the toy that they once threw across the room, but they will remember the calm and loving face that met their chaos with a sense of love and of gentle guidance. In that moment, your parenting will have fulfilled both its psychological and its spiritual purpose, of shaping a heart that knows how to feel its emotions deeply, and how to act in a kind and a compassionate way, guided by its faith in Allah.