What should a child say when someone keeps touching their hair or bag? 

Parenting Perspective 

When someone repeatedly touches your child’s hair, bag, or other personal belongings, even if it is done playfully, it can make them feel uncomfortable, disrespected, or powerless. Many children will freeze in these moments, unsure of whether to speak up for fear of sounding rude or unkind. Teaching your child to respond politely yet firmly gives them the language they need to protect their personal space while maintaining a sense of dignity and respect. 

Starting with Validation of Their Feelings 

You can begin by letting your child know that their feeling of discomfort is real and completely justified. You might say, ‘It is okay to feel uncomfortable when someone touches your things or your hair. You are not being over-sensitive; everyone deserves to have their personal space respected.’ This reassurance can help to prevent self-doubt and empower your child to respond confidently, rather than defensively. 

Giving Them Respectful and Clear Language 

Children often need short, ready-to-use phrases that sound both calm and confident. 

• ‘Please do not touch my hair; I do not like that.’ 

• ‘I would rather you did not touch my bag, thank you.’ 

• A particularly good phrase is: ‘Please do not touch my hair or my bag; I would rather you did not.’ 

These statements are assertive without being rude. They teach your child that self-respect and kindness can, and should, coexist. 

Practising the Right Tone and Body Language 

Help your child to understand that true confidence comes from a sense of calmness, not from a loud volume. Role-playing different scenarios can help them to practise a polite tone and strong but gentle words, ensuring they will sound composed and credible in real-life situations. 

Explaining That Setting Boundaries Is Not Meanness 

Children can sometimes confuse the act of saying “no” with being unfriendly. You can explain, ‘You can be a kind person and still protect your own space. It is not a rude thing to do; it is actually a way of being respectful to yourself and to others.’ 

Teaching Them When to Seek Support 

If the unwanted touching continues or feels intentional, you should guide your child to involve a trusted adult in a calm way. You can say, ‘If someone keeps doing it after you have asked them to stop, that is not okay. You can always tell me, your teacher, or another grown-up.’ 

Modelling Boundary-Respecting Behaviour 

Show your child how you protect your own space in a kind and respectful manner. For example, ‘I do not like it when people go through my things without asking, so I always say, “Please do not touch that.”’ This helps to normalise assertiveness as a part of respectful daily behaviour. 

Praising Their Calm Confidence 

When your child manages to handle a moment of unwanted touching in a mature way, be sure to acknowledge their strength. You could say, ‘You stayed so polite and firm just then. That is how people learn to respect you.’ This recognition helps to build their pride in healthy communication and emotional control. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours every person’s dignity and privacy. A deep respect for the personal space and the belongings of others is a part of adab (good manners) and amanah (trust). Teaching your child to protect their own boundaries in a kind way is a reflection of the beautiful balance that Islam calls for: a firmness that is wrapped in grace. 

The Quranic Principle of Respecting Boundaries 

The Quran teaches the broader principle of seeking permission before entering into another person’s personal space. This applies to their physical belongings and their body, just as it does to their home. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verses 27: 

‘O those of you who are believers, do not enter houses (of other people) except your own homes; unless you have permission from them, (and when you do) say Salaams upon the inhabitants…‘ 

When your child says, “Please do not touch my things,” they are practising this same core value, which is the recognition that all respect begins with consent. 

The Prophetic Example of Good Manners and Restraint 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ highlight how respect and a concern for the safety of others are central to our faith. A believer should be a source of peace and security for those around them. 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 33, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand Muslims are safe, and a believer is one in whom people place their trust with regard to their blood and wealth.‘ 

When your child calmly protects their own boundaries, they are living this prophetic principle by promoting safety, trust, and honour in all their interactions. 

When your child learns to say, “Please do not touch my hair or my bag; I would rather you did not,” they are taking a vital step towards developing their own self-respect. They are discovering that a calm firmness can earn more respect than anger ever could. 

Each polite boundary they set teaches others that kindness does not mean unlimited access, and that gentleness does not mean weakness. Over time, they will grow to see that dignity and courtesy are not opposites; they are allies. 

In every moment that they choose to speak up, your child will come to reflect the noble balance of the Islamic character: protecting what Allah Almighty has entrusted to them, while at the same time treating others with grace and fairness.