What can a child say when anxiety shows up and plans need adjusting? 

Parenting Perspective 

Even the most confident of children can feel anxious when plans change or expectations suddenly shift. A last-minute schedule change, an unexpected guest, or a new activity can trigger feelings of fear or overwhelm. The instinctive response might be tears, refusal, or frustration, which are not acts of defiance, but a cry for a sense of safety. Teaching your child to express their anxiety with calm honesty helps them to feel connected and understood, even when things do not go as planned. It is a way of showing them that feeling uneasy is not a failure, but a signal to slow down and communicate. 

Helping Them Recognise Anxiety as a Signal, Not a Fault 

Children often feel ashamed of their anxiety, as though they are being “too sensitive.” It is helpful to reframe the feeling as the body’s early warning system. You might say, ‘Anxiety is not a bad feeling; it is just your body’s way of saying, “Something feels different right now.” It is here to remind you to slow down, not to stop completely.’ This normalises the feeling, turning anxiety from an enemy into a message that they can learn to interpret calmly. 

Teaching Them to Name What Is Changing 

When plans shift suddenly, anxiety can grow in the space of the unknown. Help your child to identify exactly what has changed and, just as importantly, what is still the same. This gives their mind something concrete to hold on to, which can reduce the “everything is out of control” feeling that often fuels panic. 

Practising Honest but Calm Language 

Children need clear and kind words to help them express their discomfort without collapsing into panic or resistance. You can teach them short, grounding phrases. 

• ‘I am feeling anxious about the change. Can we talk about it for a minute?’ 

• ‘I do want to come, but can we perhaps go a little bit later?’ 

• A particularly effective phrase is: ‘I am feeling anxious about this; can we adjust the plan a little?’ 

Role-playing these scenarios makes the phrases feel more real and accessible. It teaches them that voicing their anxiety does not make them difficult; it makes them empowered. 

Encouraging Collaborative Problem-Solving 

Teach your child that plans can be flexible without falling apart completely. You can ask questions that invite them into a process of collaborative problem-solving. For example, ‘What part of this feels the hardest right now? What could we do to make it feel a little bit easier?’ Co-designing solutions gives them a sense of control, which is the perfect antidote to anxiety. 

Modelling Calm Adjustments Yourself 

Children absorb how you, as a parent, handle disruptions. If you can show flexibility in the face of change, they will learn that a shift in plans is not a crisis. You might say, ‘I was looking forward to going earlier, but it is okay. We will go when we are ready. Plans can bend without breaking.’ This models patience and perspective. 

Validating Their Feelings Before Redirecting 

When your child’s anxiety is at its peak, reason alone will not be able to reach them. It is important to validate their feelings first, and then gently guide them. You could say, ‘I know this feels scary right now. Let us take a breath together, and then we can talk about what we can do differently.’ Validation tells their anxious mind, “You are safe enough to think again.” 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, maintaining a sense of calmness in the face of uncertainty is a quality that is deeply connected to tawakkul, which is a profound trust in the wisdom of Allah Almighty. Teaching your child to express their anxiety gently while adjusting their plans mirrors the beautiful balance of sabr (patience) and ikhtiyar (making a thoughtful choice). It is the act of doing their best while trusting that Allah will guide whatever comes next. 

The Quranic Reassurance of Trust in Allah 

The Quran reassures us that true control is never lost; it simply shifts to the One who knows what is best for us. This knowledge is a source of immense peace for a believer. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Talaaq (65), Verses 3: 

‘…And whoever is reliant on Allah (Almighty), then He is Sufficient for him (in every way); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall accomplish His command (in all matters); indeed, Allah (Almighty) has calibrated everything (in existence) with appropriate measure.’ 

When your child learns to say, “Can we adjust the plan a little?”, they are living the spirit of this verse by taking calm, practical action while resting in a state of divine trust. 

The Prophetic Example of Trust in Allah 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ capture the essence of tawakkul (trust in Allah) as a source of peace and provision. Reminding a child of this principle can help them to adjust to change with confidence rather than fear. 

It is recorded in Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 205, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If you were to rely upon Allah with the reliance He is due, you would be given provision like the birds: they go out hungry in the morning and come back with full bellies in the evening.‘ 

This beautiful image helps to teach that reliance on Allah’s plan brings a sense of calm and security. 

When your child learns to say, “I am feeling anxious, can we adjust?”, they are learning a form of emotional awareness that is guided by faith. They are discovering that their discomfort does not have to lead to chaos, but can instead invite communication and care. 

Each gentle word helps to replace fear with cooperation and teaches them that self-awareness is a strength, not a weakness. They begin to understand that Allah Almighty never asks them not to have feelings, only to meet those feelings with patience and trust. 

Over time, this habit of calm honesty will ripple through their life, helping them to navigate school, friendships, and future challenges with a grounded faith. In every moment that they choose to pause, breathe, and speak gently instead of panicking, they will be reflecting one of Islam’s quietest forms of worship: a serenity born from trust in the perfection of Allah’s wisdom.