How do we map safe friends and kinder groups to spend time with? 

Parenting Perspective 

After a child has experienced teasing or exclusion, they may begin to doubt everyone, including those who have good intentions. Rebuilding their trust in friendships requires gentle guidance, not pressure. You can help your child to quietly map out safe friends and kinder groups, identifying people and spaces where they can be themselves without fear of judgement. This process is not about isolation, but about teaching discernment: the ability to understand who brings out their best qualities and who does not. 

Start with Emotional Awareness 

Begin by asking your child how certain friendships make them feel, rather than what they think about them. You could use questions such as: 

• ‘Who do you feel most relaxed around?’ 

• ‘Who makes you laugh in a good way?’ 

• ‘Who listens when you talk?’ 

Encourage them to notice the subtle cues from their own body when they are with certain people. Feelings of calmness, laughter, or comfort are signs of emotional safety. In contrast, anxiety, silence, or tension can be warning signs. Teaching this self-awareness helps them to trust their instincts again. 

Create a Visual “Friend Map” 

You can create a simple visual activity together using a blank page with three circles: 

• Safe Circle: Friends or classmates who consistently show kindness, loyalty, or fairness. 

• Middle Circle: Peers who are mostly kind but may sometimes follow others or act differently in groups. 

• Outer Circle: Those who cause hurt or discomfort, whether intentionally or not. 

Ask your child to fill in the names at their own pace. The map can help them see that not everyone is unkind and that they still have allies nearby. This clarity also helps you and their teachers to identify potential sources of support within their class. 

Define the Qualities of a Safe Friend 

Explain that safe friends do not have to be popular or perfect. They are the ones who demonstrate positive qualities, such as: 

• Keeping confidences instead of gossiping. 

• Including others instead of competing. 

• Admitting when they make mistakes and apologising. 

• Celebrating successes without envy. 

Discuss examples from real life or from stories, focusing on characters who stood by others quietly. This shows that loyalty often appears as a gentle and steady presence, not a dramatic one. 

Encourage Low-Pressure Social Steps 

Once your child has identified a few kind peers, you can plan small, manageable interactions to rebuild their confidence. 

• Sit together at lunch. 

• Partner in a short classroom activity. 

• Walk part of the way home together. 

• Invite one friend for a short play or study session. 

Starting small prevents your child from feeling pressured to ‘belong’ instantly. Success in these small moments helps to rebuild their social confidence naturally. 

Explore New Social Environments 

If the class environment continues to feel difficult, look for safe social spaces elsewhere. These could include clubs, mosque youth circles, community art classes, or sports groups where kindness is reinforced by shared interests. New environments can often reset social dynamics and remind children that not every peer group behaves in the same way. 

Let your child choose where they feel drawn. Granting them this autonomy helps to rebuild their sense of agency, which is a powerful antidote to the helplessness that teasing can create. 

Model Discerning Friendships Yourself 

Children observe your relationships very closely. Let them see you choosing respectful company and speaking kindly about others, even when you disagree. You might say, ‘I enjoy spending time with people who bring a calm energy,’ or, ‘That friend and I are different, but we respect each other.’ 

These small comments teach your child what healthy adult friendship looks like, which is based on mutual respect, not constant agreement. 

Revisit the Map Together Regularly 

Friendships naturally evolve. Revisit the map every few weeks to reflect any changes. You could ask, ‘Has anyone moved closer into your safe circle recently?’ or, ‘Do you feel less comfortable with anyone now?’ 

This practice helps your child to remain aware of relational shifts without becoming suspicious of everyone. It also shows them that relationships can change, and that moving on from a hurtful dynamic is a part of growth, not failure. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages believers to choose companions who uplift their faith, character, and peace of heart. Teaching your child to seek kind friends is an important part of nurturing suhbah salihah, or righteous companionship. Good friends are like mirrors; they reflect back the best parts of who we are and help us to polish our hearts. 

Choosing Companions Wisely in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Kahf (18), Verse 28: 

‘(O my Servant) show restraint upon yourself, (and join with) the company of those people who pray to their Sustainer, morning and evening, desiring that one day they shall meet Him (Allah Almighty); and do not even glance your eyes over those who (live in ignorance, and superficially) desire the luxuries of the worldly life…’ 

This verse reminds us to stay close to sincere and grounded people, rather than those who seek status or mock others. Guiding your child with this principle helps them understand that good company nourishes the soul just as a sense of safety comforts the heart. 

The Influence of Friendship in the Prophet’s Teachings 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so let each of you look at whom he befriends.’ 

This hadith teaches that our companionship shapes our character. Guiding your child to choose kind and respectful friends is therefore both a practical and spiritual duty, as it safeguards their heart and nurtures their faith. 

Mapping safe friendships is not about separating your child from the world, but about teaching them to practise discernment with grace. They will begin to understand that kindness is found not in numbers, but in sincerity. 

Each time they choose compassion over popularity and peace over performance, they are rebuilding not just their confidence, but also their spiritual wisdom. In the company of good friends, those who uplift, listen, and laugh without cruelty, they will find what every heart longs for: a sense of belonging that is grounded in gentleness, and companionship that leads them closer to the light of Allah Almighty’s mercy.