How to Handle Jokes About Appearance Without Feeding the Bully 

Parenting Perspective 

When children face teasing about their appearance, whether it is their height, weight, glasses, or any other visible trait, it strikes at the very core of their self-image. What may seem like a passing joke to one person can leave a lasting mark on a child’s confidence. The goal is not to teach your child to retaliate with clever words, but to help them respond in a way that protects their self-worth while simultaneously deflating the bully’s power. 

Mockery feeds on reaction. The calmer and more grounded your child’s response is, the less satisfaction the other child receives, and the more self-respect your child retains. 

Acknowledge the Hurt Before Coaching 

Always begin by recognising your child’s pain. Dismissing their feelings with a simple “just ignore them” can make them feel unseen and misunderstood. Instead, say something that validates their experience: 

“I can see that really hurt you. It is okay to feel upset because those comments were unkind.” 

Acknowledging their feelings first helps to calm the emotional distress, creating the space needed to learn a constructive response later. 

Explain the Goal of Teasing 

Help your child understand that those who tease are often seeking a reaction. They want to see anger, tears, or defensiveness because it makes them feel powerful. You can explain it like this: 

“When you stay calm, you take away the very thing they want, which is your reaction.” 

This simple explanation reframes the situation, empowering your child to see that silence or composure is not weakness, but strategy. 

Practise Calm and Neutral Responses 

Teach your child to respond with brief, steady phrases that neither insult the other person nor show submission. 

• “That is not funny to me.” 

• “You can think what you like.” 

• “Okay.” 

These short replies demonstrate self-control and give the other child nothing to feed on. The tone is key; it must be calm, not sarcastic or angry. 

Teach the Power of Walking Away 

If the teasing continues, walking away is a powerful form of control. It shows confidence and signals that your child values their own peace over engaging in conflict. Reinforce this idea with reassurance: 

“Leaving is not losing. It is choosing to respect yourself.” 

Children who understand this develop emotional independence and self-respect that will serve them well beyond the school corridors. 

Strengthen Self-Image at Home 

Counteract external mockery with internal affirmation. In your family conversations, focus on celebrating effort, kindness, and character, rather than appearance. You might say: 

“Your worth is not measured by what people see on the outside, but by the goodness you bring into the world.” 

The stronger a child’s sense of identity is at home, the less impact teasing will have on them outside. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, any form of mockery or body-shaming contradicts the spirit of respect and compassion. Every person’s body and features are a trust (amanah) from Allah Almighty: unique, purposeful, and deserving of honour. Teaching your child to see themselves in this light is both an act of emotional wisdom and a spiritual truth. 

The Dignity of All People in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames…’ 

This verse directly forbids teasing and shaming others. It teaches children that mockery is a form of disobedience to Allah Almighty, and that responding with calm dignity is an expression of both faith and strength. 

True Beauty in Prophetic Teachings 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’ 

This Hadith reminds children that external differences are never the measure of a person’s worth. The real beauty that Allah Almighty values lies in our character and our kindness. When a child responds to teasing with grace, they are living this prophetic truth, honouring both themselves and their faith. 

When your child learns to meet appearance-based teasing with calm strength, they develop a resilience that no insult can shake. They stop defining themselves by the laughter of others and begin to see themselves as Allah Almighty sees them: purposeful, unique, and dignified. 

Through your guidance, they will come to understand that silence, composure, and self-respect are not signs of defeat, but the quiet triumphs of a confident heart.