What is a respectful way to ask for a turn on a shared device? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few situations create tension between siblings as quickly as a shared tablet or games console. One child often claims, ‘You have had it forever!’, while the other shouts back, ‘I am not finished yet!’ These moments are not just about technology; they are about fairness, patience, and communication. Teaching your child to ask for a turn respectfully can transform this potential chaos into an opportunity for cooperation. The goal is to help them advocate for themselves calmly, without making demands or sulking, while learning that sharing requires both asking kindly and waiting gracefully. 

Understanding the Real Struggle 

When children argue over a device, they are often expressing a deeper need for fairness and inclusion. The screen can become a symbol of feeling valued or being part of the action. Instead of reacting to the argument itself, try to reframe the situation for them. 

You could say, ‘It sounds like both of you want some time on the device. Let us figure out how to share it fairly and speak to each other kindly.’ Acknowledging both children’s desires can defuse the power struggle and set a tone of collaboration rather than competition. 

Teaching Respectful Request Language 

Children often resort to emotional demands like, ‘Give it to me now!’ because they have not been taught a more effective way to communicate. You can replace this frustration with respectful and constructive phrasing: 

• ‘When you are finished, can I have a turn, please?’ 

• ‘Please can I go next after you?’ 

• ‘How much longer do you think you will be? I would like a turn when you are done.’ 

These phrases clearly communicate a need while still respecting the other person’s turn. You can practise them through short and simple role-playing scenarios to build your child’s confidence. This process turns an everyday conflict into a valuable lesson in diplomacy and patience. 

Modelling Calm Turn-Taking 

Children learn a great deal from what they witness at home. When you are sharing something with your partner or child, try to narrate your actions out loud. 

For example, you might say, ‘I will just finish this email in five minutes, and then it is your turn on the laptop.’ Hearing turn-taking modelled by adults reinforces the idea that fairness is a shared family value, not a one-sided rule imposed only on children. 

Setting Clear Family Agreements 

When devices are shared regularly, it helps to establish predictable rules. This makes asking for a turn feel less like a confrontation and more like teamwork. For example: 

• Each child gets a specific time limit. 

• A timer clearly signals when it is time to switch. 

• If someone forgets to ask politely, they miss their next turn. 

Posting these agreements somewhere visible can be very helpful. Structure creates a sense of safety and order, which reduces the anxiety and tantrums often associated with sharing. 

Developing the Skill of Waiting Patiently 

Learning to wait is just as important as learning to ask nicely. You can teach your child to fill their waiting time with a specific, enjoyable task, such as reading a book, drawing, or setting up their next activity. When waiting becomes an active and engaging period, frustration loses its grip. This helps to build self-regulation, a skill that extends far beyond screen time. 

Reinforcing Positive Behaviour 

When you notice your child asking politely or waiting calmly for their turn, be sure to acknowledge it with praise. 

You could say, ‘I noticed how nicely you waited for your turn and how kind your tone was when you asked. That showed real maturity.’ Positive reinforcement helps to turn good behaviour from a conscious effort into a natural instinct. 

Spiritual Insight 

Respectful communication and a commitment to fairness are at the very heart of an Islamic character. The acts of asking kindly for a turn and waiting patiently for it both reflect adab, the refined and beautiful manners that our faith teaches us to practise in every interaction, especially with our own family. 

The Quranic Command for Fairness and Justice 

The Quran reminds us that fairness is a moral duty, not just a convenient household rule. It is a principle we must uphold in all circumstances, as it is a cornerstone of a righteous life. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verses 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail, as that is very close to attaining piety…’ 

Teaching your child to respect another’s turn, to ask kindly, and to wait patiently is a practical act of justice. It encourages them to treat others as they wish to be treated and helps build a conscience rooted in equity and compassion. 

The Prophetic Example of Gentleness and Mercy 

The character of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was defined by mercy and gentle speech. His example teaches us that kindness and consideration towards others invite the mercy of Allah Almighty into our lives. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1924, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The merciful are shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth and the One above the heavens will have mercy upon you.‘ 

Asking politely for a turn reflects this same merciful spirit. It is an expression of gentleness towards others, a commitment to fairness in sharing, and an act of empathy. It helps a child to see that being calm and respectful, even in small moments of disagreement, is a form of mercy that strengthens family bonds. 

When your child learns to ask for a turn politely, they are learning much more than how to share; they are learning self-control, empathy, and respect. You are showing them that calm words have power and that kindness does not make them weaker, but in fact makes them wiser. 

Each time they wait their turn with patience, they are practising fairness in its purest form. Each polite request plants the seeds of lifelong adab, which are manners that reflect both inner confidence and spiritual grace. 

In a world that often rewards impatience, your home can be a sanctuary where gentle words and fair hearts set the tone. In the simple rhythm of sharing—ask, wait, and thank—your child learns the sacred balance of faith and everyday kindness that is so beloved by Allah Almighty.