How can they end a friendship that has turned unkind, with dignity? 

Parenting Perspective 

A good friendship should make a child feel safe, valued, and understood. However, when a friendship becomes hurtful, perhaps filled with criticism, exclusion, or even manipulation, staying in it can begin to quietly damage their confidence. Many children can hesitate to end such a relationship because they are afraid of the potential for conflict or of their own feelings of guilt. Helping your child to exit the friendship in a way that is kind, and not cold, can teach them that protecting their own peace is not an act of unkindness, but one of self-respect. 

Teaching That Walking Away Can Be Graceful 

You can begin by saying to your child, ‘You do not have to stay in any situation where you are not being treated with a sense of care.’ This can help to validate their feelings of discomfort, without having to place any blame on the other person. You can explain to them that the act of ending a friendship does not have to be about a feeling of hatred or of revenge; it can simply be about recognising when the kindness in the relationship is no longer mutual. 

Coaching Them in Words That Can Preserve Their Dignity 

You can encourage your child to be clear in their communication, but also to be gentle. Their words should be able to show their honesty, without having to resort to any form of accusation. 

• ‘I think that we have just grown in different directions, and that is okay.’ 

• ‘I do not feel happy when we spend time together anymore, so I think I just need some space.’ 

• ‘I will always wish you well, but I think that I need to move on from this friendship now.’ 

These kinds of statements are able to communicate a sense of closure, not of hostility. If a direct, face-to-face conversation feels too difficult for your child, a shorter, more polite message can also work. The goal is to achieve a sense of calm clarity, not of having to justify their decision. 

Helping Them to Handle Any Feelings of Guilt and Loneliness 

After they have ended an unkind friendship, children can often begin to question themselves by thinking, ‘Was I too harsh?’, or ‘What if they are able to change?’ It is important to reassure them that it is natural for them to miss the things that used to be good about the friendship. You could say, ‘Missing someone does not mean that you have made the wrong choice. It just means that you are a person who cares very deeply.’ This can help them to learn to forgive the other person internally, even if a full reconciliation is not possible. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours our relationships that have been built on a foundation of compassion and of fairness, but it also teaches us as believers to withdraw from any form of harm with a sense of gentleness and of dignity. The act of letting go of a person who is causing us pain, without any sense of spite or of arrogance, is a reflection of ihsan (excellence in our conduct). It is not an act of rejection, but one of a refinement of the heart. 

The Quranic Guidance on Walking Away from Hurt 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’ 

This verse reminds us that a quiet and calm withdrawal from a situation is a mark of our strength, not of our weakness. The act of leaving a friendship that has turned unkind, while still remaining polite and peaceful in our own conduct, is a mirror of this divine quality of being able to respond to a feeling of hurt without having to match it. 

The Prophetic Example of Measured Distance 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.’ 

This hadith serves as a beautiful reminder of the importance of choosing our companions wisely. It teaches us that if a friendship is consistently causing us some form of harm, it is no longer a reflection of the true values of our iman (faith). Choosing to step back from such a friendship in a peaceful way, without any form of gossip or of bitterness, is an act of honouring this prophetic guidance. 

Helping your child to end an unkind friendship with a sense of their own dignity can teach them that our own sense of peace can sometimes require a form of parting. They can learn from these experiences that our real courage can lie not in arguing or in clinging to a person, but in walking away with a clear heart and with a steady sense of grace. 

Your own reassurance can help them to understand that these kinds of endings, when they are handled with a sense of kindness, are not just losses, but are in fact valuable lessons. They can reveal to us how to value a sense of sincerity and how to recognise when a person’s care has become conditional. 

When your child is able to say, ‘I wish them well, but I need to have my own space now,’ they will be practising one of the most mature forms of an Islamic character, of being able to protect their own heart without it having to become hardened, of choosing a sense of respect over one of resentment, and of walking away from a situation in a gentle way, while still leaving a sense of goodness behind them.