What should they do when a peer uses a different communication style? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children will often naturally expect other people to speak, to react, and to express their feelings in a similar way to themselves. When a peer communicates in a different way, perhaps in a quieter, a more direct, or a less expressive manner, your child may be left feeling unsure or even frustrated. Teaching them how to notice and to adapt to these differences, without any sense of judgment, can help them to build their empathy, their patience, and their social intelligence. 

Helping Them to Notice, Not to Judge, the Differences 

You can begin by saying to your child, ‘Everyone has their own unique way of talking. Some people may need more time to think, while others may like to joke around a lot.’ This can help to normalise the idea of our human differences. You can explain to them that a particular communication style is not a matter of right or wrong; it is simply a reflection of a person’s comfort, their culture, and their unique personality. When your child is able to learn to observe the other person with a sense of calm, instead of trying to correct them, they can begin to truly understand them, rather than just reacting to them. 

Coaching Them on How to Adapt with Respect 

You can guide your child to gently adjust their own approach in these situations. You could say, ‘Good friends are able to learn each other’s natural rhythm.’ If they are interacting with a peer who is particularly quiet, your child could try to leave more pauses in the conversation, instead of trying to fill every silence. If the other person is very direct in their way of speaking, you can teach your child not to take it too personally. You can explain to them that adapting our own style is not a form of pretending; it is an act of kindness. 

Encouraging Their Own Emotional Awareness 

You can help your child to focus on the other person’s tone of voice and on their facial expressions. They can learn to ask themselves, ‘What might my friend be trying to say, even if their words sound a little different?’ For instance, a quiet child’s short response might be a sign of their comfort, not of their disinterest. A loud child’s bluntness might be a sign of their enthusiasm, not of their rudeness. You can practise this at home through some gentle and light-hearted role-play. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that as believers, we should be united by a sense of compassion, not by a sense of uniformity. Just as people can vary in their culture, their way of thinking, and their natural abilities, they can also differ in the ways that they express themselves. Learning to understand these differences with a sense of gentleness is a reflection of the prophetic quality of rahmah, of showing mercy in our dealings with every single soul. 

The Quranic Guidance on Diversity in Our Expression 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 22: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth; and (designed) diversity of your languages and your (skin) colours; indeed, in this there are (logical and rational) Signs for those who are imbued with knowledge.’ 

This verse celebrates our human diversity, not only of our different tongues, but also of our different ways of expression and our unique manners. When your child is able to learn how to honour a peer’s different style of communication, they are in fact recognising the creative wisdom of Allah in our human variety. 

The Prophetic Example of Adaptability and Gentle Understanding 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6125, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult; give glad tidings and do not drive people away.’ 

This hadith shows how the Prophet ﷺ would often adjust his own tone and his approach to suit the unique nature of each person that he was speaking to. When your child is able to choose to use gentle words, to slow down their own pace, or to show a sense of patience towards a person who communicates in a different way, they are reflecting this beautiful prophetic guidance. 

Guiding your child to understand these varied styles of communication can help to shape them into a more empathetic and adaptable individual. They can learn from these experiences that a good friendship does not have to depend on the two people having identical personalities, but on their mutual willingness to meet each other with a sense of respect. 

Your own calm explanations can help them to see that our differences do not have to be obstacles to our connection, but can in fact be invitations for us to listen, to learn, and to grow in our own capacity for compassion. 

Over time, your child will be able to discover for themselves that the most thoughtful of people are not those who are able to talk in the same way as everyone else, but are those who are able to listen deeply, to speak with kindness, and to honour the quiet beauty of our human differences.