What should my child say when a friend reads their screen over their shoulder? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a friend peers over your child’s shoulder to read what is on their screen, it can feel awkward, invasive, and even embarrassing. Yet children can often hesitate to say anything for fear of sounding rude. Teaching your child how to protect their digital privacy in a calm and confident way can help them to understand that the act of setting a boundary is not a form of secrecy, but one of self-respect. 

Helping Them to Understand Privacy Without Shame 

It is important to start by reassuring your child that wanting a sense of privacy is a completely normal and healthy feeling. You might say, ‘Everyone deserves to have a bit of their own space, even with their good friends. It is always okay for you to ask for it.’ This helps to turn the idea of privacy into a healthy expectation, rather than a guilty act. You can explain to them that what is on a person’s phone, tablet, or laptop belongs to them, and that no one has the right to look at it without their clear permission. 

Coaching Them in Clear and Friendly Responses 

You can teach your child some simple and calm phrases that can help them to communicate their boundaries without any sense of embarrassment. 

• ‘Hey, could you just give me a second? I am just finishing something up.’ 

• ‘I can show it to you in a bit. I just need to check this one thing first.’ 

• ‘That is a bit private. I can tell you about it later.’ 

These lines are both polite and firm. They create a natural pause in the interaction, which can signal to the other person that looking over someone’s screen without their permission is not an appropriate thing to do. You can also encourage your child to pair their words with a gentle smile, as this can help to reinforce the message in a kind way. 

Teaching How Privacy Can Build Respect 

You can explain to your child that having a sense of privacy and a sense of honesty can exist at the same time. You could say, ‘Keeping something private does not mean that you are hiding something bad; it just means that you are protecting something that is personal to you.’ This can help your child to see that their boundaries are not about secrecy, but about their own dignity. It is also a good idea to encourage them to notice when other people might need their own space too. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great deal of importance on the concepts of privacy, of dignity, and of respect for the personal matters of other people. The act of peering into something that belongs to someone else, whether it is a room, a letter, or in today’s world, a screen, goes against the values of amanah (trust) and of adab (good manners). Teaching your child to protect their own privacy, and to respect the privacy of others, helps to nurture the qualities of sincerity, of respect, and of humility in their character. 

The Quranic Teaching on Respecting a Person’s Private Space 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 12: 

‘Those of you who have believed, abstain as much as you can from cynical thinking (about one another); as some of that cynical thinking is a sin; and do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others; would one of you like to eat the meat of his mortally expired brother? Not at all – you would find it repulsive…’ 

This verse reminds us as believers to avoid intruding into the private matters of other people. When your child is able to calmly ask someone not to read what is on their screen, they are upholding this beautiful Quranic principle of choosing honesty and respect over a sense of simple curiosity. 

The Prophetic Guidance on Looking into Others’ Belongings 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6241, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever looks into the letter of his brother without his permission, it is as if he is looking into the Fire.’ 

This hadith highlights just how sacred the concept of privacy is in Islam. It reminds us that every person’s personal matters, whether they are written or are in a digital format, deserve to be protected. By guarding their own screen in a respectful way, your child is not being secretive; they are in fact living by the Prophet’s ﷺ own teaching on the importance of integrity and of modesty. 

Helping your child to respond to a person who is reading their screen is not just about managing their digital manners; it is about teaching them a sense of their own dignity. They can learn from these experiences that it is possible to protect their own space with a sense of calmness and of kindness, and that a real sense of strength does not have to be sharp. 

Your own steady guidance can help them to see that our self-respect is the foundation of our respect for others. When they are able to say, ‘Please do not look at my screen,’ they are not creating a sense of distance; they are creating a sense of clarity, the kind of clarity that can help to keep their friendships both honest and balanced. 

When this habit of a gentle assertiveness is able to take root in their character, it will extend far beyond their use of their screens and will become a part of how they move through their life: in a calm and respectful way, guided by the timeless Islamic principle that every soul deserves to be honoured, both in what is seen and in what is unseen.