What do we plan if a friend pressures them to lie to adults?

Parenting Perspective

When a friend says to your child, ‘Do not tell your parents,’ or ‘Just say that you do not know,’ your child is facing more than just a moral choice; they are also facing a moment of intense emotional pressure. They may begin to worry about being labelled as disloyal or as a ‘snitch.’ In that moment, the test for them is not just one of honesty, but also of courage. Teaching your child how to handle this kind of pressure in a wise and considered way can help them to build a sense of integrity that will last far beyond their childhood years.

Helping Them to Recognise the Real Pressure Behind the Lie

It is important to begin with a sense of empathy, rather than with a tone of judgment. You could say, ‘It must be really hard when someone you like asks you to lie for them. You want to be a good friend, but you also want to do the right thing.’ This shows your child that you understand their dilemma, and that it is possible for honesty and for kindness to exist at the same time. Once they feel that they have been heard, they will be more ready to learn how to handle the situation.

Teaching That Lying to Protect Others Can Hurt Everyone

You can help your child to see the hidden cost of telling a lie, even when their intention seems to be a kind one. You might say, ‘A lie might feel like it is a form of protection in the moment, but it can build up a sense of pressure inside you. The truth is what keeps our minds and our hearts feeling peaceful.’ You can explain to them that when they lie for someone else, they are having to carry both a sense of guilt and of risk, and that a true friend would never ask them to do that. You can then guide them to question the situation in a gentle way.

‘Why do they need me to lie for them?’

‘What might happen if the truth comes out later on?’

‘Will I feel proud of myself or uneasy about this later?’

Giving Them the Confident Words to Use

Children can often resort to lying in these situations simply because they freeze when they are feeling pressured. You can practise some calm and clear phrases with them at home that can show both their loyalty to their friend and their own honesty.

‘I cannot lie for you. I will get into trouble, and it does not feel right to me.’

‘I really like you as a friend, but I do not want to say something that is untrue.’

‘Let us just tell the truth. It will be easier for everyone in the long run.’

These simple sentences can help them to protect their friendship while also setting a clear moral line.

Spiritual Insight

Islam honours the quality of truthfulness (sidq) as one of our highest virtues. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was known as Al-Amin, The Trustworthy, because he never bent the truth, even when he was under great pressure to do so. Lying in order to please other people may seem like a small thing, but it has the power to darken the heart and to weaken the bonds of trust between our souls.

The Quranic Command to Remain Truthful

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verse 70:

‘O those of you, who are believers, seek piety from Allah (Almighty) and always speak with words of blatant accuracy.’

This verse calls on us to speak a truth that is fair, respectful, and clear. When your child is able to choose the path of honesty, even when their friends are urging them to do otherwise, they are embodying this beautiful command to speak with a sense of justice, not with a sense of fear.

The Prophetic Teaching on the Path of Truth and Falsehood

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6094, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘Truth leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes a truthful person. Falsehood leads to wickedness, and wickedness leads to the Fire.’

This hadith explains that honesty is not just a single act, but a habit that can come to shape our entire destiny. When your child is able to tell the truth, even when they are under a great deal of peer pressure, they are choosing to walk on the path of sidq, the pathway that leads to a state of righteousness.

Guiding your child through the challenge of peer pressure and the temptation to lie can help to build in them the foundations of a trustworthy character. They can learn from these experiences that although the truth may feel costly in the moment, it is what can earn them a sense of peace, of self-respect, and a divine reward.

Your own reassurance in these moments can help them to see that a real friend will always value their truth, not their silence. With time, they will come to see for themselves that saying ‘no’ to a lie does not have to mean the end of a friendship; it can in fact purify it.

When they are able to stand firm in the truth, they are not standing alone; they are walking with the guidance of Allah Almighty, whose promise is always clear, that the truth will always lead to a place of safety, and that those who are able to guard it will never be forsaken.