What can they do if leaders pick teams publicly and it stings? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few moments can sting a child quite like standing in a line while team leaders are being chosen, and your child has to watch as other children’s names are called out first. Even if it is just a normal part of a game, the experience can feel deeply personal. A child in this situation might begin to think, ‘No one wants me on their team,’ or ‘I am not good enough.’ These are tender moments that can have a lasting impact on a child’s self-esteem and their sense of belonging. Teaching your child how to handle these public team selections with a sense of grace can help them to transform their feelings of hurt into a quiet form of resilience and dignity. 

Begin with Empathy, Not with Correction 

It is important to start by validating how your child is feeling. You could say, ‘That must have felt very hard, waiting while the other children were being picked first.’ It is best to avoid any quick reassurances like, ‘Do not worry, it does not matter,’ because in that moment, it does matter a great deal to them. Acknowledging the sting of their feeling first allows the real lesson to land with them a little later on. You can then gently explain to them, ‘Sometimes, the way teams are picked is not very fair. People often choose their friends first, not necessarily the person who is the most kind or the most skilled. That is about their choice, not about your worth.’ 

Step One: Reframe What ‘Being Chosen’ Really Means 

Children can often link the idea of being chosen with the idea of being valuable. You can help to reframe this for them by saying, ‘You are not chosen because you are liked more; often, it is just a matter of who came to someone’s mind first.’ You can also tell them stories about how the best and most talented of teammates are often the ones who are discovered after the game has already begun. This helps them to build a sense of perspective without denying their initial emotion. 

Step Two: Practise Using Dignified Body Language 

Even when a situation is hurtful, the way that a child is able to respond on the outside can help to protect their confidence on the inside. You can teach them some simple physical cues to use in these moments, such as standing up tall, offering a gentle smile, or taking a slow, deep breath. You could even role-play this with them at home: ‘They have picked the other children first. How can we show them that we are still feeling okay on the inside?’ This kind of calm posture can help your child to feel a sense of agency, even in a situation that feels unfair to them. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches the virtues of dignity, patience, and humility in the face of any perceived unfairness. The experience of being overlooked is never a sign of a lesser worth in the sight of Allah; it can be a moment of divine training, a test of our inner peace and our faith. 

The Honour of Staying Patient When Overlooked 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hajj (22), Verse 11: 

‘And from mankind there are those that just about (i.e. borderline) worship Allah (Almighty); and if they come about any goodness, they are content with it; and if they are afflicted with any tribulation, they turn their faces (in the direction of the darkness of ignorance and immorality); they shall be in deficit in the worldly life and in the Hereafter...’ 

This verse reminds us that our faith, and by extension, our character, is proven not in the moments when we are being chosen first, but when we are able to remain steadfast through our small and daily disappointments. When your child is able to remain calm, even in the face of being picked last for a team, they are showing that they have a heart that is steady and is not easily shaken by the choices of other people. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Humility 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4176, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever humbles himself for the sake of Allah, Allah will raise him in status.’ 

This hadith helps to reframe a moment of disappointment through the lens of a greater, spiritual dignity. When a child feels left out or is chosen last, they are being invited to practise a sense of humility, without any accompanying bitterness. The hadith assures them that Allah Almighty sees their patience in that moment and that He will raise their true worth, even when other people have overlooked it. 

Helping your child to navigate the pain of not being chosen can teach them one of life’s deepest lessons: that our own sense of dignity can outlast any feeling of popularity. They can learn that being left out for a moment does not have to lessen their worth; it can in fact refine it. 

Your own empathy and guidance in these moments can help them to see that their confidence does not have to come from the approval of others, but from their own sense of self-respect under pressure. When they are able to keep a sense of kindness and of composure, even when they have been overlooked, they can rise above the moment with a quiet and noble sense of grace. 

Spiritually, they will come to understand that Allah Almighty always sees what other people may miss: the patience, the effort, and the sincerity that can lie behind a simple smile. In a world that so often celebrates noise and visibility, their own calm sense of dignity will shine as something that is much rarer and far greater: a form of strength that is guided by faith.