What can they do as the “new kid” facing tight circles? 

Parenting Perspective 

Walking into a new classroom or a playground where friendships have already been formed can feel like a daunting prospect for any child. They may begin to wonder, ‘Will anyone talk to me?’, or ‘What if they all already have their own friends?’ Tight social circles can seem impossible to enter, yet with some gentle guidance, your child can learn how to connect with others in a confident way, without having to force it. Teaching them how to approach other children in a thoughtful way can help them to replace their feelings of fear with a sense of curiosity, and their feelings of loneliness with a quiet sense of courage. 

Begin by Normalising Their Feelings 

It is important to start by naming the emotion without any sense of judgment: ‘It is normal to feel nervous when you are the new person. Everyone can feel a little unsure at first.’ This helps your child to see that their shyness or their hesitation is not a weakness; it is a natural part of the process of adjusting to a new environment. You can also share an example from your own life: ‘When I started my new job, it took me a while to feel comfortable, but little by little, the other people there got to know me.’ Real stories can help to make the idea of being brave feel more possible for them. 

Step One: Start Small and Observe First 

You can encourage your child to take a little time to watch how the group interacts with each other. Who seems kind? Who is inviting others into their game? Who seems easy to talk to? The act of observing first can help them to find a safe and open entry point, rather than them rushing into a group that might be harder to join. You can also teach them to start with small and kind gestures, such as a smile, a wave, or a simple compliment like, ‘That is a cool game you are all playing.’ 

Step Two: Find One Connection, Not the Whole Group 

You can explain to your child that joining a whole circle of friends at once can be very difficult, and that it is often easier to start with just one kind person. You can suggest that they start a simple, one-on-one chat with another child by asking, ‘Do you want to play catch with me?’, or ‘Can I come and sit here?’ Once that one connection begins to feel safe, the rest of the group will often gradually open up to them. This can help your child to see that friendship is something that grows over time, not something that has to be ‘won’ immediately. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the act of welcoming others, and especially those who may be feeling alone, is seen as an act of mercy and of faith. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was known for including newcomers in the community with a sense of warmth, for remembering people’s names, and for making each and every person feel valued. Teaching your child to enter new spaces with a sense of kindness and patience is a reflection of this prophetic character and is an act that can earn a great reward from Allah Almighty. 

The Spiritual Reward of Extending Kindness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 36: 

‘And worship Allah (Almighty) only, and do not ascribe to anything instead of Him (Allah Almighty); (which amounts to  icon worshipping/paganism); and with parents (proceed with them favourably), and with close relatives and friends and impoverished (people); and your neighbour that is close to your neighbourhood, and the neighbour that is remote from you; and the companion by your side and the traveller and those (women) that are legally bound to you…’ 

This verse reminds us that our duty of kindness extends far beyond our own families, to our companions, our neighbours, and even to those whom we barely know. When your child is able to reach out to new people or to join in with a group with gentle and respectful manners, they are practising the message of this verse in action. 

The Prophetic Example of Welcoming Others 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3692, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘You will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I tell you something which, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread peace among yourselves.’ 

This hadith highlights that our simple gestures, such as our greetings, our smiles, and our peaceful intentions, are what can help to build a sense of love and connection between us. When your child smiles, says ‘hello’, or shows a general sense of friendliness as the new kid, they are doing something that is spiritually meaningful. 

Helping your child to navigate their way into tight friendship circles as the ‘new kid’ is not about teaching them how to push their way in; it is about teaching them a steady and respectful sense of confidence. They can learn that a friendship grows slowly through a sense of sincerity, not through a sense of pressure, and that an act of kindness that is offered without any expectation will always leave a sense of light behind it. 

Your gentle encouragement can help them to see that being new does not mean being lesser; it means being brave enough to begin again. As they learn to smile, to listen, and to keep showing small acts of kindness, they will find that the right people will always make a space for them, because Allah Almighty is the One who can open our hearts to those who act with patience, with peace, and with faith. 

In time, your child will discover that entering a new circle in a graceful way is less about trying to fit in, and more about shining quietly with their own sense of kindness, a light that will always draw other people near.