How do I guide “ask first” before petting animals or using others’ toys? 

Parenting Perspective 

You are out for a walk, and before you can even blink, your child reaches out to touch a stranger’s dog, or grabs a cousin’s toy without permission. You may call out, ‘Ask first!’, but it is already too late. These are not acts of defiance, but moments of pure impulse and enthusiasm. Children live in the present moment; they see something, they want it, and they act. However, teaching them to ‘ask first’ helps to build their emotional intelligence, their empathy, and their respect for boundaries. It is not just about manners; it is about helping your child to learn to pause, think, and connect with others in a way that is both safe and kind. 

Explain the ‘Why’, Not Just the Rule 

Children are always more likely to follow a rule when they understand the reason behind it. Instead of simply saying, ‘Do not touch the dog,’ you can explain the purpose of the rule: ‘Some animals do not like surprises, and we do not want to frighten them,’ or ‘That toy belongs to your friend. We need to ask first to show our respect.’ This helps to turn the act of ‘asking first’ into an act of care, rather than one of mere compliance. It teaches your child that asking for permission helps to protect everyone involved. 

Practise the ‘Ask, Wait, Listen’ Routine 

You can break down the habit into a simple, three-step routine that your child can easily remember. 

• Ask: ‘May I please touch your dog?’ or ‘Can I play with this toy for a minute?’ 

• Wait: Keep your hands by your sides while the person is answering. 

• Listen: If they say ‘no’, you can smile and walk away calmly. 

It is very helpful to practise this routine at home through gentle role-play. This repetition can help to transform an act of courtesy into an automatic habit. 

Model the Behaviour You Want to See 

When you see an animal or an interesting item yourself, you can demonstrate the desired behaviour: ‘That is a lovely dog. Let us ask the owner if we can say hello.’ By modelling a sense of curiosity that is combined with caution, you are showing your child that asking for permission does not ruin the fun; it makes it safer and more enjoyable for everyone. Children copy the tone and the rhythm of the adults around them far more than they copy their words. 

Responding When Permission Is Denied 

Being told ‘no’ can be tough, especially for young children. It is important to treat this as a teachable moment for building resilience: ‘It is okay to feel disappointed. They said no because that is their choice, and we can respect that.’ In this way, you are helping them to practise the essential life skill of self-regulation in the face of disappointment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Teaching a child to ‘ask first’ is more than just a matter of politeness; it is a way of nurturing adab (beautiful manners) and amanah (respect for a trust). In Islam, every living creature and every person’s possessions are considered a trust from Allah Almighty, not to be touched or used without clear permission. When your child learns to pause and ask, they are practising the qualities of awareness, humility, and compassion, all of which reflect the very essence of our faith. 

The Importance of Respecting Others’ Rights 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verse 27: 

‘O those of you who are believers, do not enter houses (of other people) except your own homes; unless you have permission from them, (and when you do) say Salaams upon the inhabitants; this is better for you (so that you can respect each other’s privacy) in (the application of) your thinking.‘ 

This verse beautifully extends the principle of asking for permission before entering into all other areas of our lives. Just as we do not step into someone’s home without their consent, we should not touch their belongings, or their animals, without it. It is a profound lesson in honouring the rights of others with gentleness and care. 

Mercy and Gentleness Toward All Creatures 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4807, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever is gentle with a living being, Allah will be gentle with him on the Day of Resurrection.’ 

This hadith teaches us that showing care, even in our small interactions with animals, is an act of worship. When your child learns to approach an animal with kindness and to ask before touching it, they are not just following good manners; they are practising a form of mercy that can draw them closer to Allah Almighty. Each time your child pauses to ask first, they are learning that respect creates connection, and that kindness is shown not just in our words, but also in the act of waiting.