How do I guide sharing snacks fairly when I am not in the room? 

Parenting Perspective 

When you are present, the process of sharing snacks may run smoothly; you are there to portion out the food, to mediate any disputes, and to keep the peace. However, the moment you step away, old arguments can surface, with one child grabbing more than their share, another complaining, and the sense of fairness dissolving into finger-pointing. The challenge here is not just one of table manners; it is a matter of moral development in motion. The qualities of fairness, generosity, and restraint are all skills that grow slowly through guided experience, not through constant supervision. 

Your goal is to build a system and a mindset that can help your child to manage the concept of fairness even in your absence, not because they fear being caught, but because they have come to value what is right. The key to this is predictability, trust, and a sense of shared responsibility. 

Understanding Why Sharing Breaks Down Without Supervision 

Children can struggle with the concept of fairness when their emotions and the feeling of temptation are mixed together. When snacks appear, a sense of scarcity can be activated: ‘If I do not take more, someone else will.’ When you add to this the thrill of independence, you have a perfect recipe for the testing of limits. However, this is also the best time to teach them the skill of self-governance, a sense of fairness that comes from within, not one that is enforced from above. A simple phrase like, ‘Fair sharing means that everyone leaves the table feeling happy, even when I am not in the room,’ can help to make the idea of fairness feel communal, not imposed. 

Building a ‘Fair Share’ Routine 

• Set a clear, visual rule beforehand. Instead of giving vague instructions like, ‘Share nicely,’ you can define what fairness looks like in a practical way. You could use a physical guide, such as labelling small bowls or cups for each child, to remove any ambiguity and reduce temptation. 

• Rotate the role of the ‘Snack Leader.’ You can let each child take a turn at being responsible for dividing the portions fairly. When they are given the responsibility of serving others, their own sense of empathy can grow. You can say, ‘Today it is your turn to make sure that everyone gets the same amount. That is a sign of real leadership.’ 

• Practise the ‘Check Before You Take’ rule. You can teach them to pause for a moment before they begin to eat and to ask the simple question, ‘Did everyone get some?’ This question in itself helps to build mindfulness and a sense of moral reflection. 

• Praise any signs of quiet fairness. When you hear from another adult that they shared well, or you notice it for yourself, it is important to highlight it later: ‘You made sure that everyone had their part today. That shows real kindness.’ Reinforcing this internal sense of fairness helps to shape their identity, not just their behaviour. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places an extraordinary value on the quality of ‘adl, which is justice and fairness, even in the smallest of matters. Teaching children to share their snacks fairly is a gentle but powerful way to nurture this divine quality from an early age, helping them to learn how to do what is right, even when no one else is there to see it. 

Fairness as a Sign of Faith 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘ You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail…’ 

This verse teaches us that fairness is not about convenience or about who is watching; it is about our own integrity before Allah. When your child is able to share fairly even in your absence, they are practising a small but significant form of taqwa, of being mindful of what is right in a way that is unseen but sincere. 

The Prophetic Example of Justice in Small Things 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1623, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’ 

This hadith, though it is directed at parents, carries a universal message: that the practice of justice begins at home and in the smallest of our daily moments. When your child learns to divide their snacks fairly among their siblings or friends, they are walking in the footsteps of the Prophet ﷺ, learning that fairness is an act of worship, not just a favour. Over time, these small, repeated acts of sharing will become a part of their character.