How do I teach “first finish this, then that” so waiting feels purposeful? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children jump from one thing to another, leaving a half-eaten lunch, a half-finished drawing, or half-done chores, it is rarely a sign of laziness. Their brains are naturally wired for curiosity, not necessarily for completion. Switching their attention can feel exciting, while the act of finishing a task can feel slow. The phrase, ‘First finish this, then do that,’ helps to bring structure to their world, but if it is delivered harshly, it can sound like a form of control rather than gentle guidance. The key is to make it feel like a step towards progress, not a restriction. 

The goal is not to force obedience, but to train the skill of sequencing, which is the ability to stay with one task, finish it, and then shift your attention with intention. This skill strengthens a child’s focus, emotional regulation, and sense of responsibility, all of which are qualities that will later support their learning, faith, and resilience. 

Understanding Why Waiting Is Difficult for Children 

Children often see tasks as isolated moments, not as connected steps in a larger process. When they hear the word ‘wait’, they can feel paused and powerless, not purposeful. However, if you can teach them that waiting leads to something desirable, and that finishing one thing opens the door to another, you can turn the feeling of patience into one of meaning. A simple sentence like, ‘First, we will tidy away your crayons, and then we will start your game,’ helps to reframe the act of waiting as a form of action; not a delay, but a path forward. 

Building the ‘First-Then’ Habit at Home 

It is best to start in a simple and visual way, using two clear steps that your child can see and name for themselves. 

• Speak in a calm and predictable tone. Use phrases like, ‘First shoes, then the garden,’ or ‘First we tidy, then you can have the tablet.’ It is best to avoid long speeches, as clarity helps to build confidence. 

• Add a visual prompt. You can use simple cards or drawings, with one picture for each task. When they finish the first task, they can flip the card over to reveal the next. This helps to turn the abstract concept of time into something tangible. 

• Follow through with praise. ‘You finished the first job and waited so nicely. Now it is time for your turn!’ Linking the act of waiting to its eventual reward shows them that discipline can bring delight. 

• Model the behaviour yourself. Let them hear you say, ‘I will finish this call, and then I will come and play with you.’ When you follow through on your word, your child learns to trust through your consistency. 

This predictable pattern builds patience through understanding, not through control. Your child can begin to sense the natural rhythm of life, that it flows step by step, not all at once. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, order and patience are twin virtues. The noble Quran often links the act of doing things in their due sequence with a sense of wisdom, showing that the right step, taken at the right time, carries a divine blessing. Teaching your child to ‘first finish this, and then do that’ mirrors this principle in their daily life: restraint before reward, and effort before ease. 

The Purpose in Patience and Order 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Inshirah (94), Verses 7–8: 

‘ Thus, when you have finished (from ritual prayer) then (further) intensify (your supplication). And (We know that) to your Lord is your yearning.‘ 

This verse teaches a sense of flow and focus, that each task deserves our full presence before we move on to the next. Just as a believer completes one act before starting another, your child can learn to bring their full attention to each moment. This is not just about order; it is about devotion in motion. 

The Prophetic Example of Calm and Orderly Conduct 

It is recorded in Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 1412, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah loves that when one of you does something, he does it with excellence.’ 

This hadith encapsulates the heart of purposeful waiting. The quality of excellence (ihsan) comes from giving one task its rightful attention before leaping to another. When you encourage your child to complete first things first, you are nurturing this very spirit of thoughtful action guided by sincerity. Over time, your child will discover that patience is not a passive state, but an active preparation. ‘First-then’ will become more than just a rule; it will become a mindset of respect for time, process, and purpose.