What do I say when a stranger DM feels friendly and they want to reply? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child receives a friendly direct message (DM) from a stranger, the danger is rarely obvious. The tone can be warm, polite, and even flattering, which is precisely what makes it risky. Your aim is to help your child learn to pause, recognise potential grooming tactics early, and respond with caution and dignity, rather than fear or curiosity. 

Explain That ‘Friendly’ Can Be a Disguise 

Begin the conversation calmly: ‘It is important to remember that not every kind message is sent with a kind purpose.’ Teach them that online, friendliness can be a tool used to gain trust, not necessarily proof of genuine goodwill. Explain that strangers often begin by mentioning shared interests, like a game or a hobby, or by giving a compliment, before they start asking for personal details. Replace fear with awareness: ‘True friends are the ones whose faces you know and whose parents I can name.’ 

Establish a Clear Safety Rule: No Replies, No Risks 

Set a firm and simple rule that the whole family follows: never reply to DMs from strangers. Even a polite response confirms that an account is active and receptive, which can encourage further contact. Instead, teach them the ‘Three Quiet Actions’. 

• Do not reply. 

• Take a screenshot or note the username. 

• Block the user and tell an adult immediately. 

Role-play this scenario with your child so they can practise the sequence. 

Teach the Early Warning Signs 

Children often miss the subtle cues of manipulation. Discuss the common tactics to look out for. 

• Compliments that feel overly personal (‘You are so mature for your age’). 

• Requests for secrecy (‘Do not tell anyone we are chatting’). 

• Promises of gifts, online currency, or exclusive game codes. 

• A quick shift from public comments to private DMs. 

Explain to them, ‘The more someone tries to isolate you from the adults in your life, the less safe they are.’ 

Reinforce That Reporting Is a Strength 

Make sure your child knows that they will not be scolded or blamed for receiving an unsolicited message. Promise them calm and supportive help if it happens. When they do come to you, praise their decision: ‘You did exactly the right thing by showing this to me. That is what keeps you safe and helps to protect others, too.’ The message must be consistent: silence protects predators, while speaking up protects everyone. 

Spiritual Insight 

Exercising caution online is a modern form of amanah—protecting the trust of one’s body, privacy, and purity. Islam teaches believers to guard themselves from harm and to avoid conversations that could open a door to sin or deceit. Helping your child to handle friendly-seeming strangers with caution is a way of building their taqwa: their consciousness of Allah, even behind a screen. 

Guarding Against Hidden Harm 

The Quran teaches that our curiosity must have boundaries and that we are accountable for what we expose ourselves to. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 36: 

‘And do not pursue (to meddle in matters) with which you have no knowledge; indeed, your hearing (everything you heard), your sight (everything you observed), your conscience (everything you thought), in fact, all of these (your faculties) shall be called for questioning (on the Day of Judgment).’ 

This verse reminds us that we must be mindful of what we see and hear. You can tell your child, ‘When you stop yourself from replying to a stranger, you are protecting your hearing, your sight, and your heart. Allah loves that act of restraint.’ Connecting this choice to faith turns caution into an act of worship. 

Protecting Honour and Trust 

The teachings of our Prophet ﷺ define a true Muslim as one from whom others are safe. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 4995, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe.’ 

Explain that this safety extends to our online interactions. ‘When you block or report a stranger instead of engaging in a chat, you are keeping yourself and potentially others safe from harm. That is a reflection of a true Muslim’s character.’ 

Encourage them to whisper a short dua whenever they are online: ‘O Allah, please protect me from harm and guide me towards good company.’ Over time, this reflex will build a confidence that is rooted in faith.