What Do I Change If Rough Play Spikes When Guests Are Over? 

Parenting Perspective 

When guests arrive, the behaviour of many children can suddenly shift, causing them to become louder, wilder, or rougher. This spike in energy is not always a sign of disobedience; it often reflects their excitement, nervousness, or a simple bid for attention. The presence of new people raises the stimulation levels in the home, and your child’s usual self-control can temporarily drop. The key is not to scold them for ‘showing off,’ but to proactively change the structure and environment so their nervous system can stay balanced, even under social pressure. 

Prepare Before Guests Arrive 

Do not wait until the chaos begins. It is much more effective to give your child a clear preview of what is to come: 

‘We have people coming over soon. Let us practise having calm bodies and playing gently. You can show them your favourite toy after we have said salaam.’ 

Tell them what they are allowed to do, rather than giving them a long list of prohibitions. If possible, spend ten minutes in focused, one-on-one connection time before your guests arrive. This emotional fill-up can reduce their need to seek extra attention during the visit. 

Adjust the Environment, Not Just the Child 

The physical surroundings can have a significant influence on a child’s energy levels. Before your visitors arrive, you can: 

• Put away any toys that can easily be turned into projectiles or that might cause fights. 

• Set up a ‘safe play zone’ where movement is allowed, and a separate quiet corner where calm is expected. 

• Keep a soft toy, a ball, or a cushion handy as an acceptable outlet for any sudden surges of energy. 

This preparation helps to prevent a state of overstimulation from turning into aggression. 

Define the ‘Showtime Rule’ Clearly 

Children often see the arrival of guests as a kind of audience. You can turn this impulse into a chance for a positive display of character: 

‘When our guests are here, we can show them our best manners and our strongest self-control. That is what makes people admire you.’ 

Frame a sense of calmness as a strength, and kindness as a source of pride. You can even praise them later for small wins in front of your guests: ‘He is learning to play so gently, even when he is excited.’ This helps to reinforce their internal motivation instead of causing embarrassment. 

Introduce a Non-Verbal Reset Signal 

Agree on a private, non-verbal cue, perhaps a hand placed on your chest or another quiet gesture, that means, ‘That is getting too wild, please slow down.’ Practise it beforehand. This allows you to correct their behaviour discreetly without shaming them in front of others, which helps to preserve both their respect and your control. 

Plan for Short Energy Breaks 

It can be helpful to schedule a few ‘movement breaks’ into long gatherings. You can whisper to your child, ‘Let’s go and have a stretch, or get some water for a minute,’ before things begin to escalate. A short, planned burst of movement can prevent a major disruption later on. 

Reflect After the Guests Have Left 

Later, when you are alone, you can talk about the visit in a warm, matter-of-fact tone: ‘You got very excited when everyone was watching you. What helped you to calm down? What do you think we should do differently next time?’ Let them suggest their own ideas, like playing outdoors first or greeting the guests more slowly. This kind of reflection cements self-awareness more deeply than a reprimand. 

Praise Regulation, Not Performance 

It is better to avoid saying, ‘You were such a good boy in front of our guests!’ Instead, you could say, ‘You noticed when things were getting too much and you slowed yourself down. That was very mature.’ This shifts the focus from seeking external approval to developing self-control, which teaches the skill of intrinsic regulation. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches composure, humility, and grace in all social situations. Helping your child to stay balanced when guests are present is not just a matter of manners; it is a form of adab and respect that reflects a person’s inner peace and their awareness of Allah Almighty. 

Moderation and Presence 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 63: 

‘ And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.‘ 

This reminds us that a sense of calmness in the company of others is a sign of true dignity. Teaching your child to move and speak gently around guests helps them to practise this verse in their daily lives by being soft in their manner, yet strong in their self-control. 

Control Speech When Anger Surges 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6116, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A man said to the Prophet ﷺ, ‘Advise me!’ The Prophet ﷺ said, ‘Do not become angry.’ The man repeated his request and he (the Prophet) said (every time), ‘Do not become angry.’’ 

This hadith teaches the importance of restraint during emotional surges. When the presence of others, such as guests, causes a child’s energy to spike, the true remedy is internal control, not an external explosion. 

You can end the visit with a short reflection or a du’a together: ‘O Allah, please make our hearts peaceful and our manners gentle, both in front of people and when we are alone.’ Over time, your child will learn that true confidence is found in quiet strength: the ability to stay joyful yet composed, and playful yet mindful, even when the world is watching.