How can I teach power control so “strong” does not mean “unsafe”? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child realises they are physically strong—faster, bigger, or more skilled than their peers—they can easily confuse that strength with dominance. If left unchecked, that confidence can spill over into unsafe play or careless roughness. The key is not to shame them for their strength, but to help them master it by showing them that real power is measured by self-control, not brute force. 

Frame Their Strength as a Gift 

It is helpful to begin with a positive framing: ‘Allah has given you the gift of strength, and the best heroes are the ones who use their power carefully.’ When children learn to see their physical strength as a trust, they become more thoughtful about how they use it. You can reinforce this by praising their discipline, not their dominance: ‘You are strong because you can stop when you are asked to, not just because you can win.’ 

Teach Three Levels of Power 

Children can grasp the concept of control much better when they can visualise it. You can explain it to them in three simple levels. 

• Full Power: This is for sports or official training, and only when a coach says it is safe. 

• Half Power: This is for practising skills with friends; using enough power to move, but not enough to hurt. 

• Zero Power: This is for family, pets, and younger children, where only gentle touches are allowed. 

You can practise each of these levels through playful drills at home. 

Create a “Calm Pause” Ritual 

Before any physical game or sport, it can be helpful to build in a simple habit: pause, breathe, and check in. You can say, ‘Strong but safe. Are you ready?’ Over time, this short ritual can become an instinctive way to begin any physical activity with a sense of mindfulness. 

Reward and Praise Gentle Power 

Try to catch your child in moments of restraint, such as stopping a chase before someone trips over, and praise them for it specifically: ‘I saw you slow down as soon as she started to fall. That was real control.’ Highlighting how they used their strength wisely makes the quality of self-restraint more desirable. 

Model Controlled Strength 

Children mirror the way adults handle their own power, in their words, their tone, and their touch. If they see you lifting something heavy with care, closing a door softly, or speaking firmly but kindly, they will learn that strength paired with gentleness is admirable. 

Use Reflection After any Incidents 

If they accidentally hurt someone, you can guide their reflection gently: ‘It seems your hands were moving too fast for your control then. What power level were you using? And what level should it have been?’ This moves the focus from guilt to learning. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, power is never meant to be used recklessly; it is a trust (amanah) that should be exercised with mercy. The truest form of strength is found in self-restraint—the ability to stop when one could easily continue. 

The True Meaning of Strength 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

‘And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.’ 

This verse reminds us that the highest form of strength is found in self-control. When your child chooses to be calm instead of using their force, they are showing a kind of spiritual courage that surpasses mere physical might. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 3420, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of people to Allah is he who brings the most benefit to others.’ 

This teaches that our strength only earns its value when it is used to serve, protect, or comfort others, and never to intimidate them. 

You can tell your child, ‘Real heroes in Islam are the ones who protect others, not the ones who scare them.’ You can then connect this principle to small, daily acts, such as opening a heavy door slowly for someone, or helping a younger sibling in a gentle way.