How do I coach “check in” mid-play when someone looks unsure? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children can easily get swept up in the excitement of rough play and may forget to read the social cues of those around them. While one child may be having fun, another might be showing clear signs of fear or discomfort. Teaching your child to “check in” during play helps them build empathy, emotional awareness, and safety habits that will last a lifetime. This transforms play into a shared experience based on mutual care rather than competition, where everyone’s comfort is just as important as the fun itself. 

Define What a “Check-In” Is 

Start by defining the term clearly and simply: ‘A check-in just means stopping for a second to see if your playmate is still okay and having fun.’ You can even create a consistent cue phrase for your family to use, such as ‘Are you good?’, ‘Still okay?’, or ‘Want to keep playing?’ The goal is to make this check-in feel like a natural part of the game, not a formal interruption. 

Teach Them to Read Body Language 

Help your child to recognise the early signs of discomfort in others, such as frowning, backing away, becoming quiet, or forced laughter. You can say, ‘When you see someone looking unsure, it is a good idea to pause and ask. It is always better to check once than to hurt someone by mistake.’ Using role-play to practise noticing these cues can be very effective. 

Model the Behaviour in Real Time 

Children learn empathy best when they see it in action. The next time you are playing with your child, demonstrate the pause yourself: ‘I noticed you went a bit quiet then. Are you still okay to keep going?’ or ‘You looked a bit unsure. Should we slow down for a minute?’ This shows that checking in is not about blame; it is about care. 

Child A: (Tackles Child B lightly) 

Child B: (Goes quiet and frowns) 

Child A: ‘Are you okay?’ 

Child B: ‘It is getting a bit too rough for me.’ 

Child A: ‘Okay, I get it. Let us switch to a gentler mode.’ 

Parent: ‘That was a perfect check-in. You noticed your friend’s face and stopped to ask.’ 

Reinforce the Habit with Gentle Praise 

Whenever you see your child pause to check in with someone, praise the behaviour specifically: ‘I saw you ask if your sister was okay just now. That showed real kindness and self-control.’ This teaches them that awareness of others is a sign of maturity, not weakness. If they forget, you can remind them gently after the game: ‘I think your brother looked a bit unsure then. Next time, you could try a quick check-in.’ 

Frame it as a Core Family Value 

Present this practice as a part of your family’s identity: ‘In our family, we care enough about each other to ask if we are okay.’ You can post this as a reminder alongside your other house rules for safe play. Over time, the check-in will become second nature. 

Spiritual Insight 

The act of checking in during play is a beautiful reflection of the Islamic principle of ihsan—doing good with excellence and being aware of the hearts of others. Islam teaches us to be attentive to people’s comfort and to avoid causing harm, even unintentionally. Training children to pause and ask, “Are you okay?” brings that teaching to life. 

The Quranic Example of Compassion 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 128: 

‘Without any doubt, there has come to you (O mankind), the Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ) from amongst yourself; (the thought of) your suffering weighs heavily upon him, he is extremely desirous (for the best) for you; and remains most compassionate and most merciful for the believers.’ 

This verse describes the profound compassion of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, who was deeply affected by the pain of others and cared immensely for their well-being. Teaching a child to pause mid-play and check on a friend’s comfort is a small echo of that prophetic mercy. 

The Prophetic Principle of Avoiding Harm 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 2340, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.’ 

This hadith perfectly captures the spirit of the check-in. Even if harm is not intended, a believer’s duty is to remain alert and ensure the safety of others. When your child learns to pause a game to ask if someone is okay, they are practising this Sunnah in a tangible way, learning to avoid harm through awareness and compassion.