What can we post on the fridge as family “kind talk” rules we actually use? 

Parenting Perspective 

Posting family rules on the refrigerator is most effective when the rules are short, actively used, and regularly rehearsed. Long, complicated lists often end up as unnoticed ‘wallpaper.’ In contrast, a handful of simple rules, phrased in a positive way, are more likely to be remembered and used by children in the heat of the moment. The aim is not to police every word, but to build a shared family language that feels safe, respectful, and easy to recall. They should feel more like shared family promises than generic classroom slogans. 

Five Simple Rules for ‘Kind Talk’ 

Here is a short list of practical ‘kind talk’ rules that you can adapt for your own family poster. 

• Say the feeling, not the insult. For example, say ‘I am angry,’ instead of ‘You are stupid.’ 

• Use ‘I’ statements, not ‘You’ statements. For example, ‘I felt ignored,’ instead of ‘You never listen.’ 

• One voice at a time. We wait until the other person has finished speaking. 

• Pause before you get loud. We take one slow breath before answering when we feel upset. 

• Repair quickly. If you make a mistake with your words, say, ‘Let me try that again.’ 

Keeping the Rules Alive 

To make these rules a part of your family culture, it is important to keep them visible and active. You could create a colourful poster with simple drawings to represent each rule, such as a speech bubble for ‘I’ statements or a pause sign for taking a breath. 

It is also helpful to have a two-minute family check-in at the end of each week to ask: which of our rules did we use well this week, and which one could we practise more? When children see that these ‘kind talk’ rules apply to parents too, they learn that respectful speech is a family commitment, not just a child’s duty. 

Putting the Rules into Practice 

• Child: ‘You never care about what I want to do!’ 

• Parent: (Pointing to the fridge) ‘Let us try to switch that to an “I” statement.’ 

• Child: ‘I feel left out because you played with him first.’ 

• Parent: ‘Thank you for saying it so clearly. That helps me to understand.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, speech is considered a sacred trust (amanah). The noble Quran and the Sunnah both remind us that our words carry immense weight and have the power to either heal or harm. Creating and living by a set of family ‘kind talk’ rules is a practical way of teaching children to guard their tongues, a responsibility that is deeply praised in our faith. 

The Quran’s Call to Careful Speech 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verses 70: 

‘O those of you, who are believers, seek piety from Allah (Almighty) and always speak with words of blatant accuracy.’ 

This verse teaches us that every believer must be mindful of their words, ensuring they are fair, balanced, and just. Posting a simple rule like, ‘Say the feeling, not the insult,’ is a child-friendly way of practising this divine instruction in your daily family life. 

The Prophet’s ﷺStandard of Restraint 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, 2018, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, among the most beloved of you to me, and the closest to me on the Day of Resurrection, are those of you with the best character.’ 

He then went on to list those who would be furthest from him, including those who are arrogant or excessive in their speech. This hadith directly links a person’s dignity in their speech to their closeness with the Prophet ﷺ in the Hereafter. Living by a set of ‘kind talk’ rules is therefore not just a small domestic habit, but a form of training the tongue towards the best of character that our Prophet ﷺ loved.