What do I say to thank them for telling me early even if I am upset?

Parenting Perspective

When a child brings you bad news quickly, such as admitting that they have failed a test or broken something, it is natural for a parent to still feel a sense of frustration. However, if your only reaction is one of anger, your child will learn that being honest is no safer than hiding the truth. The key is to separate your emotion from your child’s action; you can still uphold boundaries and consequences while appreciating the courage it took for them to tell the truth early.

Lead with Gratitude Before Addressing the Consequence

Even if you are feeling upset, it is important to begin your response with gratitude. You could say, “Thank you for telling me this straight away. I know that was brave of you.” This simple opening signals to your child that their honesty itself is valued, regardless of what is to follow. It helps to build the connection in your child’s mind that telling the truth first leads to a calmer outcome.

Acknowledge Their Courage Out Loud

Children need to hear you recognise the difficult part of what they have just done. Acknowledging their effort by saying, “It takes a lot of strength to admit something like this so quickly. I can see the effort you made, and that really matters to me,” teaches them that their integrity carries weight, even when they have made a mistake.

Keep the Consequences Calm and Consistent

After you have shown your appreciation for their honesty, you can state the rule and its consequence simply. For example, “The rule in our house is that homework must be finished before screen time. Because it was missed, there will be no screen time tonight.” This shows your child that being truthful does not erase the consequences of their actions, but it does change the tone in which those consequences are delivered.

End with Future-Facing Encouragement

You can end the conversation with a note of reassurance. For instance, “I am upset about what happened, but I am so glad that you told me about it early. Your honesty will always earn my respect.” This helps to draw a clear line between the mistake they made and their intrinsic worth as a person.

Reinforce with a Mini-Dialogue

Child: “Mum, I lost my homework sheet at school today.”

Parent (calmly but seriously): “I am disappointed to hear that, but thank you for telling me about it so early. Your honesty was the right choice. The rule is that the homework must still be done, so let us contact your teacher together to sort it out. Next time, telling me quickly will help us to fix the problem even faster.”

This way, your child sees that telling the truth does not cancel the consequences of their actions, but it softens them into calm guidance, which keeps your bond of trust alive.

Spiritual Insight

Islam teaches that truthfulness is a path to finding solutions and that it protects a believer from hypocrisy. When we thank our children for their honesty, we are reinforcing a core Islamic value.

Truth brings Allah’s help

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Muhammad (47), Verses 21:

‘(To have been) obedient (to Allah Almighty) and (engaged in) positive discussions; then when the matter of (Jihad) was determined (conclusively); then if they had been truly (sincere) to Allah (Almighty – in their actions), that (action) would have been better for them.’

This verse reminds us that being truthful, especially in difficult situations, always brings about a better outcome in the sight of Allah. Teaching your child to tell you bad news early helps to connect their honesty at home with the great virtue of being truthful before their Lord.

The Prophet ﷺ praised honesty

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 5021, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘There are four signs of the hypocrite when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a covenant, he is treacherous…’

This Hadith teaches that hiding the truth or lying can destroy trust, while honesty is the opposite of hypocrisy. By thanking your child for telling you what happened early, you are reinforcing their habit of truthfulness and helping to protect them from falling into the trap of dishonesty.

You can end your discussions with a shared dua: “O Allah, make truth easy on our tongues, make patience easy in our hearts, and make trust a steady presence in our home.” Over time, your child will learn that your respect for their honesty is constant, and that their courage in speaking the truth early will always be valued.