What should they include when bringing me bad news so we can solve it?

Parenting Perspective

When children have to bring bad news, whether it is a poor grade, a broken item, or trouble at school, they often rush through the explanation out of fear or deliver it with half-truths. This can leave a parent feeling frustrated, unsure of the full details, and more likely to react harshly. To build trust and encourage problem-solving, it helps to teach your child a simple structure for what to include when sharing difficult news. That way, you can respond calmly, and they can learn that bringing the truth opens the door to solutions, not to explosions.

Teach a Three-Part ‘What, Why, What Now’ Structure

You can teach them a simple, three-part format for explaining any problem.

• What happened? – “I failed my maths test.”
• Why did it happen? – “I did not revise properly, and I rushed through the questions.”
• What now? – “I would like to practise with you for ten minutes each night before the next test.”

This structure gives you a clear picture of the situation without dragging you into frustrating guesswork.

Practise the Structure in Small Moments

Role-play this structure together during calm and happy times.

Parent: “Let us practise sharing bad news. Pretend that you have just spilled some juice.”

Child: “What happened: I spilled juice on the sofa. Why it happened: I was rushing and not being careful. What now: I will get a cloth and help you to clean it.”

Praising them for including all three parts will help the structure to become second nature to them.

Respond Predictably When They Use It

When your child uses the full structure to tell you about a problem, it is important to acknowledge their effort before addressing the problem itself. You could say, “Thank you for telling me so clearly. That really helps me to listen calmly. Now, let us work on fixing it together.” This reinforces the idea that giving the full context will earn them respect and a collaborative solution.

Pair the Explanation with Logical Consequences

Once the problem has been fully explained, you can move on to the logical process of repair.

• A broken item leads to helping to clean it up and contributing towards its replacement.
• A poor grade leads to creating a new study routine together.
• An act of rudeness leads to a sincere apology and practising respectful words.

This consistency teaches your child that telling the whole truth helps to speed up the process of repair instead of making it worse.

Use Gentle and Visible Reminders

You could post a small card on the fridge with the three simple steps: “What? Why? What Now?” Try to make it a shared family language for problem-solving, not just a rule for your child.

Reinforce with a Mini-Dialogue

Child: “What happened: I forgot to do my homework. Why it happened: I did not write it down in my planner. What now: I will start using the reminder app on my phone.”

Parent: “That was a clear and brave explanation. Thank you. The consequence is that there will be no screen time until the homework is caught up, but your plan shows me that you are learning from this. I trust you to do better.”

With this structured approach, the act of delivering bad news can become an opportunity for your child to practise honesty, reflection, and problem-solving, instead of simply fearing punishment.

Spiritual Insight

Islam teaches that bringing our mistakes into the light with truthfulness is what leads to solutions, not to despair.

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 81:

‘And say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “The infinite truth has been declared, and falsehood shall perish, indeed, falsehood is bound to perish”.’

This verse reminds us that bringing the full truth to light is what makes falsehood and fear disappear. When your child is able to share the complete truth with clarity, it removes confusion and makes space for a real solution to emerge. The Prophet ﷺ also encouraged us to respond to our mistakes with honesty.

It is recorded in Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 56, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘The believer may be disposed to all traits except for treachery and lying.’

This teaches us that while making mistakes is a normal part of being human, dishonesty is never an acceptable trait for a believer. By guiding your child to include what happened, why it happened, and what they plan to do now, you are teaching them to live as believers who handle their mistakes with honesty and repair.

You can end your discussions with a shared dua: “O Allah, make truth easy on our tongues, give us wisdom in our attempts to repair, and help us to always see our mistakes as lessons, not as life sentences.” Over time, your child will learn that bad news, when it is shared fully and respectfully, becomes the first step toward growth, safety, and closeness to Allah.