How can I rotate responsibilities so one child is not always ‘the problem’?

Parenting Perspective

In many homes, the same child often ends up being the one who is fetching, fixing, apologising, or getting reminders, while their siblings seem to coast. Over time, that child can internalise the label, ‘I am the problem,’ and the other children can learn a sense of either helplessness or superiority. Rotating responsibilities is not just a chore trick; it is a system for ensuring dignity that spreads power, practice, and accountability fairly among everyone. You can start with a clear statement of your family’s culture: ‘In this family, everyone learns skills, everyone helps to repair when needed, and no one has to carry all the blame or all the jobs.’

Design Roles, Not Random Chores

You can list the key daily responsibilities in your home and turn them into named roles with short, specific duties.

• Table Setter: Lays the mats and cutlery.
• Tidy Captain: Puts away books and cushions.
• Prayer Time Caller: Gives a five-minute warning before prayer time.
• Laundry Runner: Collects the laundry baskets from the bedrooms.

You can write one simple sentence under each role so that the definition of success is obvious to everyone.

Rotate on a Visible Rhythm

Create a one-week rota and swap the roles every Sunday after the Maghrib prayer. You could use a simple board with names and magnets for each role. This visibility helps to remove the ‘Why is it me again?’ complaint and turns the system, not the parent, into the enforcer.

Share Difficult Moments Fairly

When a family rule is broken, you can apply the linked, known consequence to the person who is responsible, and then add a small, rotating ‘family repair’ that does not cause humiliation. For instance, if a game was left scattered all over the floor, the responsible child can be the one to tidy it away, and the ‘Tidy Captain’ for that week can spend two minutes helping them. This teaches the concept of team repair without dumping every single fix on the same child.

Remove Comparisons and Labels from Your Speech

When someone says, ‘He never does it right,’ you can cut through the comment gently: ‘We do roles here, not rankings. You can either help or be quiet.’ If you catch yourself using a label, you can restart the sentence out loud: ‘Let me remove that label. Today, we are just going to follow the rota and the rule.’ Modelling this kind of reset shows that our language can change the climate in our home immediately.

Spiritual Insight

When rotation is visible, skills are taught, and language remains neutral, the ‘problem child’ can lose their spotlight and the whole family can gain a sense of competence. Your home can begin to shift from a dynamic of blame and rescue to one of fairness and growth.

Fair Shares and Personal Accountability

This verse is a reminder that each person is responsible for their own choices, and that it is our effort that is the true measure of our worth. Rotating roles in the home is a way of honouring this principle. No single child should have to carry everyone’s burden, and each child should be given a fair chance to strive, to learn, and to make repairs.

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verse 164:

‘…And no one shall become the bearer of any responsibility, in (carrying) the burden of others; then your ultimate return is to your Sustainer, then He (Allah Almighty) will inform you, about all the matters in which you were divergent (from the infinite truth).’

Planning Wisely, Then Trusting in Allah

This hadith teaches us to organise ourselves and to act with wisdom, and then to place our ultimate trust in Allah. A rota, a set of micro-skills, and a calm follow-through are all ways of ‘tying your camel’. Our trust in Allah should come after we have made a plan, not instead of one.

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2517, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘Tie your camel and trust in Allah.’

You can close with a simple family intention near the rota each week: ‘O Allah, make our home a fair place, our speech kind, and our work consistent.’ Over time, your children can learn that their worth is not measured by being the ‘good one’ or the ‘problem one’, but by their honest striving, their quick repair, and their steady service for the sake of Allah.