What do I say when a sibling gloats ‘You will get told off’ and ramps up fear?

Parenting Perspective

When one sibling gloats, the other often experiences a dual burden: the initial fear of being told off, compounded by humiliation in front of their brother or sister. This dynamic can erode sibling trust and encourage secrecy. As a parent, your responsibility is to interrupt this pattern by preserving the child’s dignity, clearly identifying the mistake, and establishing that family discipline is a private matter, not a spectacle.

Address Fear and Reclaim Authority

It is important to intervene with a calm yet firm voice, stating clearly: ‘We do not use mistakes to frighten one another. In our home, correction is a parent’s role, not a sibling’s.’ This simple act immediately reassigns parental responsibility to you and reassures the targeted child that you are their safe base.

Provide a Script for a Calm Response

Coach the targeted child with a simple reply that reduces the impact of the taunt without escalating the conflict. Suggest phrases such as:

• ‘Mummy and Daddy will help me fix it, not you.’
• ‘We do not use fear in our family.’

Keeping the response short, calm, and repeatable is key. You can role-play both scenarios in a light-hearted manner so that your children can practise using respectful language.

Correct the Gloating Child Privately

Take the gloating child aside and explain the harm their words cause: ‘When you gloat, you make your brother feel afraid instead of helping him learn. Your role is to offer encouragement, not threats.’ Establish a clear consequence if the gloating continues, such as the loss of a privilege for that evening. This reinforces that mocking a sibling is as serious as the original mistake.

Redirect Power Towards Positive Support

Assign the gloating child a constructive role following the incident. For example, you could say: ‘Your brother needs to tidy the shoes now. You can help by timing him for three minutes. Any comments you make should be encouraging.’ Children often seek a sense of control; this approach channels that need towards support instead of harm.

Establish a Clear Family Rule

At a later, calmer moment, state a general family principle aloud: ‘In this house, when someone makes a mistake, we support them; we do not scare them. Parents handle correction. Siblings handle encouragement.’ You might even write this phrase down and place it where everyone can see it. Over time, this helps to build a family atmosphere rooted in guidance rather than gloating.

A Practical Dialogue Example

• Sibling A: ‘You will get told off!’
• Parent (calmly): ‘Stop. In our home, we do not gloat over mistakes. Correction is my job, not yours.’
• Child B (with your coaching): ‘Mummy will help me fix it.’
• Parent: ‘Good. Let us solve this now. Please put the shoes by the door.’

This method teaches one child that mistakes lead to fair correction, and the other that true influence is found in encouragement, not in taunting.

Spiritual Insight

Guarding the Tongue From Harm

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 11:

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them; and let not the women (ridicule) other women, as perhaps they may be better than them; and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames…’

This verse serves as a direct reminder that mockery and belittling are forbidden, as the one being ridiculed may hold a higher station in the sight of Allah Almighty. Share this teaching with your children, explaining: ‘We must never use someone’s mistake as a reason to laugh at them or make them afraid. Allah commands us to show respect and kindness, even when someone falters.’

Correction Belongs With Mercy, Not Rivalry

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, 87, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘It is enough evil for a man to belittle his brother Muslim.’

This hadith highlights that belittling another person is a serious misdeed. You can apply this wisdom at home by teaching your children: ‘The purpose of correction is to lift someone up, not to put them down. Parents guide, and siblings support.’ Connect this behaviour to their faith by adding: ‘When you kindly help your brother or sister to do better, that is an act that Allah Almighty loves.’

You can close with a family supplication: ‘O Allah, protect our tongues from causing harm, make our hearts gentle with one another, and guide us to lift each other up after every mistake.’ With time and consistency, your children will learn that correction is a safe process, gloating is unacceptable, and true strength lies in showing mercy and encouragement for the sake of Allah Almighty.