What routine check-in makes “anything you need to tell me?” feel normal?

Parenting Perspective

Children often freeze when they are asked direct and heavy questions like, ‘Do you have something to tell me?’ because it can feel like a trap. To make honesty a normal, everyday habit, you need to create a predictable, low-stakes routine where these check-ins happen daily in a calm tone of voice. When it is simply a part of the day, it feels less like an interrogation and more like an opportunity to share.

Anchor the Check-in in a Daily Routine

It is a good idea to attach your check-in question to an everyday rhythm, such as after-school snack time, during an evening cup of tea, or just before bedtime. For example, you could say: ‘Snack time is our check-in time. Let us share one good thing, one hard thing, and one random thing from our day.’ This predictability helps to reduce any tension and sets the expectation that talking openly is a normal part of your family life.

Use Gentle and Varied Prompts

You can make your opening question softer and more varied so that your child does not feel cornered.

• ‘What was the trickiest part of your day today?’
• ‘Did anyone make you laugh today?’
• ‘Was there anything you wanted to tell me before you forget?’

Once they have answered, you can then slide in the core phrase: ‘Is there anything else you need to tell me today?’ This helps to make the big question feel more natural and less loaded with expectation.

Keep it Short and Safe

Try to limit the check-in to no more than ten minutes, and be sure to maintain a neutral tone of voice. If your child hesitates to share something, do not push them. You can say, ‘It can be something small or something big. I just want to hear it from you today.’ Keep your facial expression relaxed and your body calm. When they do share something, you can thank them by saying, ‘I am glad you told me.’

Pair Honesty with Repair, Not Punishment

If some difficult news does come out during your check-in, it is important to guide the conversation towards repair, not towards an explosion of anger. For example, if they admit to having forgotten their homework, you could say, ‘Thank you for telling me that today. Let us make a plan for how you can fix it tomorrow.’ Linking their confession to a solution helps to build their courage to share again in the future.

Spiritual Insight

This daily rhythm shows your child that honesty is not a rare or dramatic event, but a daily practice. The more routine and non-dramatic it feels, the more likely they will be to come to you with both small and serious matters.

Building Trust Through Consistent Listening

This verse highlights the principle of shura, or consultation, as a defining mark of the believers. When you make daily check-ins a part of your home life, you are teaching your child that your family is built on consultation, not on fear. Just as the believers solve their important matters by talking openly with one another, your child can learn that their voice matters and that even difficult news can be shared safely.

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 38:

‘And those people that respond to (the commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation, and spend (generously) from the sustenance We have provided them.’

Honesty Should Be Welcomed, Not Punished

This hadith teaches us that consistency in telling the truth is the real goal, not perfection. By making the question, ‘Is there anything you need to tell me?’ a daily routine in a calm and predictable setting, you are opening a door for your child to practise telling the truth until it becomes a part of their nature.

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1971, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man continues to speak the truth until he is recorded with Allah as a truthful one.’

This teaches us that consistency in truth-telling is the real goal, not perfection. By making “anything you need to tell me?” a daily routine in a calm, predictable setting, you open a door for your child to practise truth until it becomes their nature. Even if the truth is hard, you show them it will be received with respect, repair, and guidance.

Close each check-in with reassurance: “Thank you for sharing. I will always listen when you tell me the truth.” This way, your child connects honesty with safety, repair with hope, and discipline with dignity lessons that strengthen their courage and prepare their heart for Allah Almighty’s love of the truthful.