How can I handle ‘I forgot’ used as a shield against being told off?

Parenting Perspective

When a child says, ‘I forgot,’ moments after being reminded, their words often mask panic, not laziness. They can sense your irritation and use ‘forgetting’ as a quick shield. Your aim in this situation is to teach responsibility without shaming their honesty or overloading their developing brain. It is helpful to think of this as an opportunity to coach memory and accountability, rather than trying to catch them out.

Acknowledge the Pattern without Accusation

First, regulate your own tone. Take one slow breath, soften your shoulders, and keep your voice steady. Then, you can reflect on the pattern you have noticed without being accusatory: ‘It sounds like “I forgot” is jumping in to protect you when you think I might be upset. I will not shout. We can build a plan so you can remember and finish the task.’

Teach a ‘Remember, Then Repair’ Habit

Create a predictable, two-step sequence that you can use every time this situation arises.

• Remember: Ask them, ‘What was the job, and what is the very first tiny step?’
• Repair: If time has passed, add a small make-up action. For example: ‘Since the lunch box was left in your bag, please wash and dry it now, and then put it on the drying rack.’

This process keeps their dignity intact and links honesty to action, not to arguments.

Use External Cues to Aid Memory

Children often forget when a task exists only in their head. Move the job from their internal memory to an external, physical cue.

• Visual cues: Use picture cards by the sink, a sticky note on the door, or a coloured band on their water bottle that means ‘wash me’.
• Sequence boards: A three-step picture strip at your child’s height for the ‘After School’ routine can be very effective.
• Alarm cues: Set a gentle chime on a device with a title like, ‘Lunch box to the sink.’

Point to the cue instead of repeating yourself. The cue can carry the reminder, while your voice carries the warmth.

Use ‘Micro-Starts’ to Overcome Avoidance

For tasks that your child finds particularly difficult, give them a five-second start.

• ‘Just open the bag and put the lunch box in the sink. I will set a one-minute timer. Let us begin now.’

Starting is often the hardest part. Once a task is in motion, most children will see it through to completion.

Set Proportionate and Natural Boundaries

If the ‘forgetting’ follows a clear and recent instruction, you can maintain a calm and logical boundary.

• ‘Because the lunch box was not washed, your free time can start in five minutes, after it has been washed and dried.’

Avoid sarcasm or threats. Boundaries are much more effective as a teaching tool when a child’s dignity is kept intact.

Spiritual Insight

Islam asks us to pair accountability with mercy. Children need standards that help to shape their character, but they also need a tone that keeps their hearts open. Your steady voice and fair process can turn ‘I forgot’ from a shield into a bridge toward excellence (ihsan).

The Importance of Fulfilling Trusts

Promises and duties are a trust (amanah) with Allah. When you help a child to fulfil small covenants, like washing their lunch box or finishing a chore, you are teaching them the principle of faithfulness. Linking a calm reminder to a clear repair step shows them that amanah can be lived out in small, daily acts.

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 34:

‘…And fulfil all your promises, as indeed, you will be questioned about all the promises that you have made (in this life).’

Responsibility without Harshness

Everyone carries a degree of responsibility that is appropriate to their role. Parents act as shepherds for their children, guiding them with gentleness and clarity. In turn, children learn to shepherd their own tasks. When you respond to ‘I forgot’ with structure, brief boundaries, and kind words, you are raising a young shepherd who can be trusted with bigger responsibilities in the future.

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 7138, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be asked about his flock.’

A home that treats forgetting as something to be practised, not feared, becomes a place where truth can flow easily. By externalising memory, starting small, and pairing honesty with repair, you nurture reliability and self-respect. Your child learns that duty is sacred, that your love is steady, and that doing things well is a part of worship.