How do I coach a redo on chores without “Do it or else” energy?

Parenting Perspective

When a child rushes through their chores or completes them carelessly, it is often tempting for parents to issue an ultimatum: ‘Do it properly, or else!’ While this approach may achieve immediate compliance, it can also create resistance, resentment, and fear. In the process, the deeper lessons of responsibility, pride in one’s work, and problem-solving are lost. What a child truly needs is coaching: a calm and supportive way to redo the job that builds their skills and character, rather than instilling fear.

Lead with Acknowledgement, Not Criticism

Children rarely respond well to criticism, especially when it is wrapped in shame. Start by acknowledging what they have already done before you guide them toward improvement.

• Parent: ‘I see you have cleared the table. That is a good start. Now, let us check if the cloth picked up all of the crumbs.’

This approach preserves their dignity while signalling that the standard of work still matters.

Use ‘Notice and Guide’ Language

Instead of issuing commands, use observations and gentle questions to encourage them to think for themselves.

• ‘I notice the bin bag is only half-closed. What do you think might happen if we carry it like this?’
• ‘The sink still has some bubbles in it. What step do you think is missing?’

This method encourages reflection and problem-solving, allowing the child to identify the gap in their work for themselves.

Break Down the Redo into Simple Steps

Children can feel overwhelmed when asked to redo a task. Guide them by breaking it down into small, manageable instructions.

• ‘Step one: let us shake the mat outside.’
• ‘Step two: now you can wipe the corners of the table.’
• ‘Final step: let us do a quick scan. Is there anything sticky left?’

By scaffolding the task in this way, you are teaching a process, not just demanding a perfect outcome. Over time, they will internalise these checks.

Coach Through Modelling and Teamwork

If the redo still feels overwhelming for them, start the task together. You could hold the mop with them and then invite them to finish the last few swipes. This demonstrates teamwork and shows them what a quality job looks like. Coaching through modelling helps to reduce defensiveness because you are demonstrating, not just demanding.

Set Calm Boundaries Instead of Using Threats

If your child resists, you can frame the boundaries of the task with warmth and firmness, offering them a choice.

• Parent: ‘We need to finish what we start. You can either take a short break and then return to it, or you can finish it now. Which do you choose?’

The boundary remains intact, but the element of choice removes the threatening ‘or else’ energy.

Spiritual Insight

In Islam, chores are not merely household duties; they are acts of trustworthiness (amanah) and the pursuit of excellence (ihsan). When a child performs a job poorly, our role is to guide them gently towards ihsan, so they can grow in both dignity and responsibility.

Striving for Excellence in Every Deed

Allah Almighty values the quality of our actions, not just their completion. Teaching children to redo chores with care helps to train them to connect small, daily tasks with the larger spiritual value of ihsan. By focusing on doing things well, you are showing them that every act, however small, has weight before Allah.

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mulk (67), Verse 2:

‘It is He (Allah Almighty) Who has created mortal expiration and life so that you may be tested; as to which one a few (conducts himself) in better deeds…’

The Weight of Good Character in Correction

Good character, good manners, and how we treat others all carry immense weight in the sight of Allah. When you are coaching your child through their chores, you are not just training them to create physical order; you are helping them to develop a noble character.

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4799, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘Nothing will be placed in the scale that is heavier than good character, and indeed the person with good character will reach the rank of the one who fasts and prays at night.’

By weaving calm guidance with spiritual meaning, these moments of correction stop being battles of power. They become lessons in sincerity, persistence, and moral growth. Over time, your child will begin to see that chores are daily opportunities to practise responsibility, respect, and ihsan for the sake of Allah.