How do I model admitting my own mistakes to loosen their fear? 

Parenting Perspective 

When you admit and repair your own mistakes calmly, you teach your child that telling the truth is safe and that their dignity will be protected. Children are excellent at copying what they see. The goal is to show them a repeatable and predictable pattern: state the objective fact, make a fair amends, set a small safeguard for the future, and then close the moment with warmth. 

Use the ‘I.O.U.’ Model: I Did It, Open Repair, Upgrade the System 

This simple acronym can help you to structure your apology. 

• I did it. Name the ‘camera fact’ of what you did, without making any excuses. For example, ‘The camera fact is that I snapped at you when we were running late.’ 

• Open repair. Offer a concrete act of amends that your child can see. For example, ‘I am sorry for that. I will restart our conversation kindly and help you to repack your bag.’ 

• Upgrade the system. Add one small, practical prevention step. For example, ‘Next time, I will set a 7:10 am alarm and put my keys in the tray the night before.’ 

When you say this slowly and just once, your children learn that mistakes are things to be handled, not hidden. 

Keep It Short, Private, and Specific 

Apologies tend to lose their power when they turn into long speeches. Try to use just two simple sentences: one for the fact, and one for the fix. If other people are around, you can simply say, ‘We are just sorting this out,’ and then step aside to speak with your child privately. A private correction protects everyone’s dignity and makes telling the truth feel safer next time. 

Narrate Your Process Out Loud 

Let your child hear the internal monologue of a mature adult moving from a feeling of guilt to the action of repair. 

• ‘I can feel myself getting cross, so I am going to take a breath first.’ 

• ‘The camera fact is that I double-booked us. My repair is to message the other person and apologise.’ 

• ‘My safeguard to prevent this from happening again will be a shared calendar alert.’ 

This narration turns a vague virtue into a clear and teachable sequence of actions. 

Praise Their Honesty Whenever They Risk It 

When your child gathers the courage to tell you the truth about a mistake, it is important to separate your praise for their honesty from the consequence for their action. 

‘Thank you for telling me about this so quickly. That really helps our trust to grow. Because a rule was broken, the phone will still need to stay in the dock for today. The repair is to message a correction to your friend.’ 

This teaches them that while their actions still have outcomes, their honesty helps to reduce the emotional heat of the situation. Your steady and predictable modelling will turn their fear into courage and their guilt into growth. 

Spiritual Insight 

Repent, Correct, and Make Clear 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 160: 

‘With the exception of those who have repented, and reformed themselves, and exposed (what they had concealed before); then those are the ones whose repentance I (Allah Almighty) shall accept from them; and I (Allah Almighty) and the Greatest Exonerator to and the Most Merciful.’ 

This verse reminds us that a true return to the right path involves three key steps: admitting the wrong, correcting the behaviour, and making matters clear. When you demonstrate these steps in your own slip-ups, you are teaching your child a Qur’anic framework for handling mistakes with a sense of hope and responsibility. 

The Prophet’s Example of Seeking Forgiveness 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6307, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘By Allah, I seek the forgiveness of Allah and turn to Him in repentance more than seventy times a day.’ 

This hadith teaches us that even the best of all creation modelled the act of frequently turning back to Allah, not defensiveness or pride. You can make this principle practical in your home by beginning with a brief prayer for forgiveness (istighfar) when you make a mistake, naming the ‘camera fact’ of what happened, carrying out one fair act of amends, and setting a small safeguard for the future. You can tell your child, ‘We do this for the sake of Allah Almighty and for the well-being of our family.’