How do I teach my child to ask, ‘How can I make it right for you?’

Parenting Perspective

The simple question, ‘How can I make it right for you?’, can turn a messy moment into a doorway for repair. Your aim is to make this phrase feel natural for your child to use, not forced, and to pair it with a practical follow-through so that they can learn a sense of responsibility without falling into people-pleasing.

When practised regularly, this simple question can help to strengthen your child’s courage, soften any conflict, and turn their guilt into useful, positive action. They learn that their worth is held safe, their mistakes can be faced, and their relationships can be healed through clear and timely repair.

Build a Simple Micro-Routine

You can teach your child a four-step sequence that they can remember even when they are under stress.

1. Breathe and bond: ‘You are safe with me. We will fix one thing together.’

2. Own the fact: State one camera-view sentence, e.g., ‘I was the one who knocked over your model.’

3. Ask the key question: ‘How can I make it right for you?’

4. Agree on one concrete step: Choose a repair that helps in the moment, do it soon, and then close the incident.

Coach the Tone, Timing, and Boundaries

The tone of the question should be steady and respectful, not dramatic. The timing should be soon after the event, while feelings are still fresh and the fix is most useful. Boundaries are also important; your child can ask what would help, and then negotiate something that is proportionate to the mistake.

Create a Family ‘Repair Menu’

You can make the act of amends easier by creating a visible list of options for common slip-ups.

· For a mess or a breakage: clean the mess, help to replace the item, or contribute a small amount from their pocket money.

· For rudeness: offer one sincere line of apology, plus one act of courtesy, such as, ‘I will make sure to wait for my turn next time.’

· For letting someone down: do the missed task now and set a reminder for the future.

Use a ‘Harm or Hassle’ Check to Size the Fix

If there was real harm or disrespect, a true apology plus a meaningful act of amends is needed. If the incident was just a small hassle or a spill, it is enough to repair the situation with action and then move on.

Help Them to Prevent People-Pleasing

Teach your child to offer one fair act of repair, not an open-ended penance. If the other person’s demand is excessive, you can model a kind boundary: ‘I do want to make it right. I can help you to tidy up and I can replace the glue you were using. I cannot give you my whole project.’

Mini Dialogue Examples

Sibling: ‘You have just ruined my tower!’

Child: ‘You are right, I knocked it over. How can I make it right for you?’

Sibling: ‘You can help me to rebuild it for the next ten minutes.’

Spiritual Insight

In an Islamic home, we can teach our children that real accountability is what protects us in the Hereafter. By asking, ‘How can I make it right for you?’, a child is naming their debt and inviting a fair act of amends before the account is settled in the next life. This helps them to keep their dignity intact, to strengthen the trust between them and others, and to turn their mistakes into sincere acts of service for the sake of Allah.

Mercy in Action After a Mistake

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134:

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’

This reminds us that real goodness (ihsan) is shown through our self-control and our merciful actions. After a mistake, asking, ‘How can I make it right for you?’, is a form of ihsan because it centres the person who has been affected and turns our remorse into a benefit for them.

Real Accountability Protects the Hereafter

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 218, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘Do you know who is the bankrupt? He comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer and fasting, but he insulted this one and harmed that one, so his good deeds are taken and given to them.’

This teaches us that our acts of worship cannot cover up any unpaid relational debts we may have. The safest path is always to try and restore people’s rights in this life, as quickly as possible.