. What should I say when a coach mocks them for an error in front of peers?

Parenting Perspective

Public mockery can feel like a real danger to a child. Your aim is to protect their dignity in the moment, to maintain high standards for their behaviour and effort, and to address the adult’s conduct with calm, documented firmness. You are not trying to excuse your child’s mistakes; you are insisting on correction without humiliation.

Your child will learn from this that their worth is non-negotiable, and that real improvement comes from specific, focused effort, not from being humiliated.

Stabilise Your Child First

Move close to your child, get down to their level, and speak quietly so they feel able to rejoin the team. You can try a twenty-second anchor: ‘Look at me. Take a long breath out. You are safe with me, and we will fix this together.’ You can then give them one concrete cue for the next play, for example, ‘Keep your eyes up and try to pass the ball early.’

Interrupt the Mockery and Redirect

If you are within earshot, you can offer a brief and respectful interrupter that signals a boundary without derailing the practice: ‘Coach, please correct the skill, not the child.’ Then, you can turn to your child with a specific cue, not a long speech.

Correct the Skill, Not the Child

Keep your own feedback to your child clear and actionable: ‘Your plant foot drifted a bit that time. Next time, try to plant it right beside the ball and then follow through.’ Specifics are what help a child to learn; labels like ‘clumsy’ only create shame and do not improve their technique.

Teach Your Child a ‘Pocket Script’

You can give your child some safe words they can use in the moment: ‘Got it. I will fix my plant foot.’ If the coach continues to make comments, a neutral boundary can help: ‘I understand. Please tell me the step you would like me to change.’

Advocate Firmly and Respectfully

After the practice has finished, you can speak to the coach privately and briefly. Use the structure of Fact, Impact, and Request.

· Fact: ‘During the drill at 4:30, you said, “Everyone look at how X is making a mess of this,” and the group laughed.’

· Impact: ‘After that, my child froze and their performance dropped.’

· Request: ‘Please could you keep your corrections specific to the skill, and private whenever possible.’

It is a good idea to follow up with a short email summarising this conversation.

Escalate if Necessary, Then Decide

If the behaviour continues, you can involve the head coach or club coordinator, providing them with the dates and quotes from your documentation. If the situation still does not change, you may need to consider moving your child to a different team. You are teaching your child that adults must be safe, and that seeking a healthier environment is a sign of strength, not of avoidance.

Mini Dialogue Example

Coach (publicly): ‘Brilliant. Everyone can watch how not to do it.’

Parent (quietly to the child): ‘Take a long breath. Plant your foot beside the ball. You can do this.’

After practice, to the coach: ‘Please correct the step, not my child’s identity. Skill-based feedback is always welcome; public mockery is not.’

Spiritual Insight

In an Islamic home, excellence means striving for ihsan in both our skill and our character. You can protect your child’s dignity, insist on specific correction from others, and channel their pain into a more disciplined practice. Over time, they will learn to meet these harsh

moments with composure, to keep learning without self-attack, and to stand up for respect while they are striving for the sake of Allah and for the good of their team.

Maintaining Dignity in the Face of Harsh Words

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63:

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’

This reminds us that we should always choose to use steady, principled speech, even in the face of provocation. You can model this for your child by replying to the coach with calm boundaries, not with counter-mockery.

Respect for the Young Is a Prophetic Standard

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1920, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘He is not of us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.’

This teaches us that belittling a child is a violation of Islamic etiquette. You can bring this teaching home in your practice by beginning with a brief prayer for forgiveness (istighfar) to help clear your child’s hurt, and then taking one useful step for the sake of Allah, such as five focused repetitions of the corrected technique.