How do I protect a sensitive child who crumbles under public scolding?

Parenting Perspective

Some children experience any form of public correction as a deep humiliation, not as guidance. Your aim in these situations is to keep your standards for behaviour firm, while removing the public ‘stage’. You can protect your child’s dignity first, and then teach and guide them towards repair in private, so that the lesson can be absorbed without them feeling panicked or shut down.

A child who is taught with this method of controlled truth-telling, private repair, and clear boundaries around gossip can become more honest and less avoidant. They learn to have courage without being cruel, and a sense of accountability without humiliation.

Lead with a ‘Privacy-First’ Protocol

You can agree on a simple family rule that you can use anywhere: Pause, Private, and Repair.

· Pause: Stop the situation from escalating.

· Private: Move two steps aside, crouch down to their eye level, and lower your voice.

· Repair: State the camera-view fact of what happened, and then agree on one fix and one prevention step.

You can also teach your child a discreet cue, such as you touching your wrist and saying, ‘With me.’ This can become your child’s safe exit from the spotlight.

Use a ‘Camera Fact’, Not a Character Verdict

Public scolding often includes the use of negative labels. It is far more effective to replace these with simple, observable facts.

· Instead of, ‘You are so rude,’ you could say, ‘You spoke while your Auntie was talking.’

· Instead of, ‘You are being wild,’ you could say, ‘Your feet are on the chair. Please put them down.’

Correct in Private, Reassure in Public

If other people are watching, it is best to keep your correction brief and calm: ‘We are sorting it out.’ Then you can step aside with your child. Once you are in a more private space, you can use the Fact, Feeling, and Fix method.

· Fact: ‘You pushed in the queue.’

· Feeling: ‘It seems you were feeling rushed and cross.’

· Fix: ‘You need to go back to your place in the line and try again.’

Pre-Brief Before Predictable Hotspots

Before a party or a programme at the mosque, you can set a short, simple plan with your child: two rules, one signal, and one exit strategy. For example: ‘The two rules for today are walking feet and an inside voice. Our signal is a hand on your shoulder. If you feel you need a reset, we will step outside for two minutes and then come back in.’

Set Gentle Boundaries with Other Adults

If other relatives or teachers tend to scold your child publicly, you can respond with both respect and clarity: ‘We prefer to correct our child’s actions in private. We will take it from here.’

Mini Dialogue Example

Another Adult (in public): ‘Why are you behaving like this?’

Parent: ‘We are handling it now. Thank you.’

Parent to child (two steps aside): ‘The camera fact is that you just grabbed the toy. You were feeling impatient. The fix is to return it and then ask for a turn. I am with you.’

Spiritual Insight

In an Islamic home, accountability and dignity stand together. By moving any correction off the public stage, using clear, factual language, and pairing fair consequences with a practical act of repair, you can raise a sensitive child who is able to face their faults without collapsing, to learn from your guidance, and to return quickly to what is right for the sake of Allah.

Speak with Gentleness So the Truth Can Be Heard

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Taaha (20), Verse 44:

‘But speak to him (Pharaoh) in a polite manner, so that he may realise, or be in awe (of what you are relating to him).’

This verse teaches that even when we are confronting a great wrong, Allah has commanded us to use gentle words. If such kindness was required with even the most difficult of audiences, then it is surely required when we are speaking to our own children. Gentleness is not about being soft on our standards; it is about having wisdom in our delivery so that our guidance can be heard.

Keep the Tongue Safe from Harming Dignity

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 10, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe.’

This teaches that our tongues must not be a source of wounds to another person’s dignity. Public scolding often causes harm, even when the intention is to teach. You can bring this beautiful balance into your home by protecting others from your tongue by avoiding labels and humiliation, and by protecting your child’s tongue by teaching them to offer a single, sincere apology when there has been real harm.