How do I teach ‘good enough’ effort without lowering standards?

Parenting Perspective

Perfectionism can cause a child to burn out, while consistently low expectations can make them become careless. The concept of ‘good enough’ does not mean sloppy; it means putting in a consistent, thoughtful effort that meets the purpose of the task and leaves a child with enough energy for the rest of their life. Your aim is to define what quality work looks like, to coach your child in developing steady habits, and to show them how to complete their work well, without chasing endless, minor tweaks.

Clearly Define What ‘Done Well’ Looks Like

You can sit with your child and co-create a tiny checklist for their common tasks. For their homework, the list might have three items: 1) all questions attempted, 2) workings shown, and 3) a quick scan for two fixes. Clear criteria can help to raise a child’s standards without inviting perfectionism.

Teach the ‘80-100 Rule’

Explain that some tasks in life require an ‘80%’ effort, while others require ‘100%’. Packing a school bag or writing a first draft can be ‘80%’ tasks, where the goal is simply completeness and clarity. Exams or important projects are ‘100%’ tasks that deserve extra care and attention.

Use a Time Box and a Closing Ritual

Perfectionism can cause a task to expand to fill an entire evening. You can help your child by setting a reasonable time box and establishing a closing routine.

· Do: Focus on the work for the set amount of time.

· Review: Do one slow read-through to catch any obvious errors.

· Close: Write a one-line ‘next step’ for tomorrow, and then stop.

Model Process-Oriented Praise

You can shift your feedback to focus on their process by saying: ‘You have met all three of the points on the checklist and you even caught two errors by yourself. That is a solid piece of work.’ Try to avoid vague superlatives, and instead name the behaviours that create quality.

Calibrate Their Standards with the Purpose of the Task

You can ask your child, ‘What is this piece of work for?’ If the purpose is simply to communicate ideas, then being legible and logical is more important than being decorative. If the purpose is accuracy, then it is a sign of wisdom to slow down and verify one’s work.

Build Pride in Closure and Continuity

You can keep a ‘Finished Well’ list on the fridge. Each time your child meets the agreed-upon criteria and closes their work on time, they can add a tick. This helps to anchor their identity in a sense of reliability, not just in achieving perfect outcomes.

Mini Dialogue Example

Child: ‘It is not perfect yet. I need more time.’

Parent: ‘Have you checked the three points on our list? If they are all met, then you can write one next step for tomorrow and close your book. Today’s goal was to do a solid piece of work, not a flawless one.’

Spiritual Insight

In an Islamic home, excellence means striving for ihsan in our spirit, having clarity of purpose, and developing steady habits that also respect our human limits. When we teach our children the concept of ‘good enough’ effort, we are helping to keep their hearts soft, their bodies healthy, and their minds available for learning and for growth.

Making an Effort Within Our Capacity

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Taghaabun (64), Verse 16:

‘So, seek piety from Allah (Almighty) with your utmost capacity, and listen and obey, and spend for yourselves with what is goodness…’

This reminds us that Allah asks for our sincere effort, done within our real capacity. The standard is not an endless, draining strain, but an honest striving that is measured against our purpose and our ability.

Strive Wisely, Then Let Go

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 7288, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘When I command you to do something, then do of it as much as you are able, and when I forbid you from something, then avoid it.’

This teaches us to strive wisely. We must avoid what is forbidden completely, and for the things that are commanded, we should pursue them as far as our capacity allows. You can share this practical rhythm with your child: set a sincere intention, match your effort to the task’s real importance, complete the agreed-upon criteria, and then stop