How do I coach ‘I’m sorry’ when the other child is still crying? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child has done something wrong and the other child is still crying, the situation can feel awkward and tense. Your own child may feel nervous, guilty, or even defensive in the face of the other’s tears. These moments are delicate, but they are also golden opportunities for nurturing empathy, responsibility, and kindness. 

Recognise the Power of Timing 

A child may feel that if they say sorry while someone is still crying, it might not be accepted. It is helpful to teach them that an apology does not need to ‘fix’ the crying instantly; its main purpose is to show that they care. You can say: ‘Your friend is still feeling upset, but saying sorry helps them to know that you care about their feelings.’ 

Keep the Apology Simple and Gentle 

In moments of heightened emotion, short and soft words work best. You can guide your child to say something like: 

• ‘I am sorry. Are you okay?’ 

• ‘I did not mean to hurt you. I am really sorry.’ 

Encourage them to say it in a calm, steady tone, rather than one that is rushed or defensive. 

Support Them with Your Presence 

A child often feels safer apologising when they know you are right there with them. You can help by standing beside them, placing a reassuring hand on their shoulder, or even joining in with a gentle, shared apology: ‘We are really sorry that happened. We did not mean for you to feel so hurt.’ 

Validate Both Children’s Feelings 

In these situations, it is important to address both sides of the conflict. 

• To the crying child, you can say: ‘I know you are feeling very upset right now. It is okay to cry.’ 

• To your own child, you can say: ‘I can see that you feel bad about what happened. Saying you are sorry will be the first step in making things better.’ 

Responding if Your Child Struggles to Speak 

If your child freezes and finds it too difficult to speak, you can suggest some alternatives. 

• Offer a gentle pat on the arm or pass a tissue to the crying child. 

• Suggest writing or drawing a little note for them later on. 

• Reassure your child: ‘Even small acts of kindness show that you care. You can still say your sorry with words when they have calmed down a little.’ 

Reflect on the Incident Afterwards 

Later, when everyone is calm, you can talk with your child about the moment: ‘How did you feel when you saw your friend was crying?’, or, ‘What made it feel so hard to say sorry at that time?’ This reflection helps to deepen their empathy and prepares them for similar situations in the future. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that our words have the power to heal, and that a sincere apology is a vital part of good character. Helping your child to say sorry, even when the other child is still upset, teaches them that apologies are not about instant solutions, but about sincere care. This instils the values of patience, empathy, and responsibility, which are all beloved to Allah. 

Comforting Words Can Heal Hearts 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 263: 

‘Using kind words, and being forgiving (of people’s mistakes) is infinitely better than the charity that is followed by hurting (the dignity of the poor people); and Allah (Almighty) is Eternally Independent and Most Gracious.’ 

This verse reminds us that gentle words have the power to heal and are highly valued by Allah. Teaching your child to say sorry, even while the other child is still crying, shows them that their speech can be a form of kindness that helps to soothe another’s pain. 

An Apology Is a Part of Good Character 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 625, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Nothing will be heavier on the Day of Resurrection in the scale of the believer than good manners.’ 

This hadith teaches that showing respect and compassion, even in difficult moments, is a part of a believer’s good character. By apologising sincerely to a crying friend, your child is practising the kind of noble manners that will weigh heavily on their scale of good deeds. 

By linking this lesson to Islamic values, you show your child that kindness in speech and action is a form of worship, strengthening both their character and their connection to Allah.