How do I help when my child ruined a sibling’s project and regrets it? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child ruins a sibling’s project, whether it was done deliberately in a moment of anger or accidentally through carelessness, the subsequent regret can create a tense atmosphere in the home. This is an important teaching opportunity where you can guide your child towards understanding responsibility, respecting relationships, and learning the value of repairing harm. 

See Their Regret as a Positive Sign 

The fact that your child regrets their action is not something to be dismissed. Many children struggle to admit when they are wrong, so feeling bad about what they have done shows that they are sensitive to the consequences of their actions and to their sibling’s emotions. You can start by acknowledging this. 

• ‘I can see that you feel very sorry about what has happened.’ 

• ‘It was an upsetting thing to happen, but I am glad that you feel regret for your part in it.’ 

Guide Them in Taking Responsibility 

A child needs concrete steps to help them move from a feeling of regret to an act of repair. You can walk them through these three stages. 

1. Apologise clearly: ‘I am sorry that I ruined your project. I should not have done that.’ Encourage them to make eye contact and to speak with sincerity. 

2. Acknowledge the impact: ‘I know you worked so hard on that, and it must feel very upsetting to see it ruined.’ This helps to build their empathy by encouraging them to see the situation from their sibling’s perspective. 

3. Offer to make amends: ‘Can I help you to rebuild it?’, or, ‘I will share my materials with you so you can make another one.’ 

Support the Hurt Sibling as Well 

The sibling who has lost their project will likely be feeling hurt and angry. It is important to validate their feelings, too. 

• ‘You worked so hard on that, and I know this must feel very unfair.’ 

• ‘It is okay for you to feel upset right now.’ 

At the same time, you can gently guide them towards accepting their sibling’s apology and allowing them to help with the rebuilding process if possible. 

Encourage Rebuilding Together 

If it is practical, you can suggest that they recreate the project as a joint activity. This teaches both children that mistakes can be repaired and that their relationship is more important than the object that was broken. If the hurt sibling resists, allow them the space to work alone, but remind them later of the effort their sibling made to apologise. 

Reflect on the Incident Afterwards 

When calm has returned, you can talk with the child who caused the damage. 

• ‘What were you feeling just before that happened?’ 

• ‘What could you do differently if you feel that angry or jealous again?’ 

• ‘How did it feel when you saw how upset your sibling was?’ 

Addressing Repeated Behaviour 

If this kind of behaviour becomes a pattern, it may be a sign that your child is struggling with underlying feelings of jealousy or frustration. It can be helpful to give them some positive one-to-one time to feel valued, and to offer other outlets for their expression, such as art or sports. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that repairing broken bonds is an essential part of our faith. When a child apologises and seeks to rebuild what they have damaged, they are acting in the spirit of brotherhood and mercy that Allah commands. It shows them that mending a relationship is more valuable than clinging to pride. 

Repairing Bonds Is an Act of Faith 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This verse reminds us that we have a duty to make peace between people. 

A Sincere Apology Is a Strength of Character 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 210, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever has wronged his brother in regard to his honour or anything else, let him seek his forgiveness today before there will be no dinar nor dirham.’ 

This hadith teaches that apologising and seeking forgiveness is a duty, not an option. Learning to say sorry after harming a sibling’s property is a form of training in humility and responsibility. It helps a child to understand that true strength lies not in hiding our mistakes, but in owning them and making amends. 

By guiding your child to apologise, take responsibility, and rebuild trust after ruining a sibling’s project, you are teaching them the lifelong skills of humility, empathy, and repair. Linking this to their Islamic teachings reinforces the idea that seeking forgiveness is both a social and a spiritual duty.