What script works when my child says helping is ‘not my job’? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be discouraging when a child refuses to help by saying, ‘That is not my job.’ Sometimes this statement comes from a place of frustration, perhaps because they feel overburdened compared to their siblings. At other times, it stems from immaturity, as they may see helping out as optional rather than as an essential part of family life. If left unaddressed, this attitude can lead to selfishness and a sense of entitlement. The challenge is to respond not with a lecture, but with a calm script that makes your expectations clear and ties the act of helping to your family’s identity. 

A child needs to learn that a household runs on cooperation, not on individual job contracts. By shifting the conversation away from, ‘Whose job is this?’, and towards, ‘We all share the load as a family,’ you can help to build a culture of shared responsibility and care. 

Step 1: Acknowledge Their Resistance Calmly 

When they say, ‘That is not my job,’ try not to escalate the situation with an angry response. Instead, you can say gently: ‘I hear that you do not feel like doing it right now. But in our family, we all pitch in to help, whether or not it is our specific job.’ This shows empathy but keeps the expectation firm. 

Step 2: Use a Clear Family Script 

Give your child a simple, repeatable phrase that can become a family motto: ‘In this family, we help each other, no matter whose job it is.’ The consistent repetition of this script helps to turn it into an undisputed family principle. 

Step 3: Explain the Bigger Picture 

Help your child to see the impact of their refusal on others: ‘When you choose not to help, it means that someone else in the family has to do extra work. When you step in to help, it makes life easier for everyone.’ 

Step 4: Rotate Duties to Ensure Fairness 

If your child’s complaint is rooted in a feeling of imbalance, it can be helpful to create a simple rota so they can see that tasks are rotated fairly over time. This can prevent the ‘it is always me’ feeling from taking hold. 

Step 5: Praise Their Flexible Helping 

When your child helps with a task that is not officially ‘theirs’, be sure to offer specific praise: ‘I noticed that you picked up the towels from the floor even though it was not your turn. That shows real teamwork.’ 

Step 6: Teach Respectful Alternatives 

You can also encourage them to reframe their words. Instead of saying, ‘That is not my job,’ they could learn to say: 

• ‘Can I do a different task instead of that one?’ 

• ‘I feel like I have already done a lot today; could we share this one?’ 

Mini Dialogue Example 

Child: ‘That is not my job!’ 

Parent: ‘In this family, we do not say that. Our script is: we all help each other. Today it is your turn to step in and help.’ 

Child: ‘…So even if it is not mine, I still have to help?’ 

Parent: ‘Exactly. That is what helps our family to stay strong and happy.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam reminds us that service and cooperation are acts of worship. Limiting ourselves to only ‘my job’ causes us to miss the spirit of excellence (ihsan) and brotherhood (ukhuwwah). A believer helps not simply because it is their designated duty, but because the act of service strengthens bonds and earns the pleasure of Allah. 

The Command to Help One Another 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 2: 

‘…And participate with each other to promote righteousness and piety, and do not collaborate in the committal of any sin or moral transgression…’ 

You can explain: ‘Allah tells us in the Quran to cooperate with each other in doing good. Helping out at home is one of the easiest ways for us to live by this command, even if it is not our specific job.’ 

The Value of Serving Others 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 2417, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever relieves a believer’s difficulty of the difficulties of this world, Allah will relieve his difficulty from the difficulties of the Hereafter.’ 

For a child, this means: ‘When you help someone, even if it is not technically your job, you are making life a little bit easier for them. And Allah promises that if you do that, He will make things easier for you in the Hereafter.’ 

By using a calm script, modelling fairness, and linking the act of service to their faith, you help your child to see that refusing to help is not a sign of strength, but of weakness. True maturity lies in stepping up to help, even when it is ‘not your job.’