How do I respond when my child claims they always get the hardest jobs? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is common for children to feel that chores and family tasks are unfairly divided. When your child says, ‘I always get the hardest jobs,’ it is often an expression of frustration or comparison, rather than a statement of fact. They may see a sibling picking what seems to be an easier task, and their own job suddenly feels like an unfair burden. While the complaint may be an exaggeration, the feelings behind it are real. As a parent, it is important to acknowledge those feelings while also teaching fairness, resilience, and perspective. 

Dismissing the complaint with, ‘Stop moaning and just do it,’ can make a child feel unheard. On the other hand, rushing to switch their tasks every time they complain can teach them to avoid responsibility. The balance lies in listening with empathy while helping them to see the bigger picture. 

Acknowledge Their Feeling First 

Start by showing them that you hear their frustration: ‘I can see that this job feels very hard for you right now.’ This small step can prevent the conversation from turning into a battle and reassures your child that their feelings matter to you. 

Check for Unseen Patterns 

Sometimes a child’s perception of unfairness can be accurate. Take a moment to reflect honestly: does one child consistently get the more tiring or less pleasant chores? If so, consider creating a simple rota to ensure that fairness is not just something you talk about, but something that is visible in your home. 

Teach Them a Broader Perspective 

Help your child to see that fairness does not always mean that every task is identical, but that the load is balanced over time. You could say: ‘Last week your brother was in charge of taking out the bins. This week it is your turn. Next week it will be his turn again.’ 

Break Down a ‘Hard’ Job into Smaller Steps 

If a task genuinely feels overwhelming for them, you can help by breaking it down into more manageable parts. 

• Instead of, ‘Clean your room,’ you could say, ‘Let’s start by putting all your toys into the basket.’ 

• Instead of, ‘Tidy the garden,’ you could say, ‘Just pick up three of those big leaves, and then you can take a break.’ 

Give Them the Language for Fair Requests 

Instead of allowing them to make dramatic claims like, ‘I always get the hardest jobs!’, you can teach them to express their struggle in a more respectful and accurate way. 

• ‘This feels a bit tough for me today.’ 

• ‘Is it possible for us to swap jobs once in a while?’ 

Praise Their Effort in Difficult Jobs 

When your child successfully completes a task that they found difficult, acknowledge their effort with pride: ‘I know that job was not easy, but you did it with real strength. I admire that about you.’ 

Mini Dialogue Example 

Child: ‘Why do I always get the hardest jobs?’ 

Parent: ‘I hear you; this one does feel tough. But remember, everyone in the family takes turns with different jobs. Today it is your turn, and tomorrow it will be someone else’s. Let’s break it down into smaller steps to make it feel easier.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches the importance of fairness, patience, and responsibility. A child can be taught that life will sometimes bring us tasks that feel harder than others, but that patience and sincerity make those tasks valuable in the sight of Allah. 

The Importance of Fairness and Justice 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 135: 

‘O you who are believers, remain upright in upholding justice, bearing witness (to such actions) for the sake of Allah (Almighty); even if it goes against your own interest, or that of your parents, or your close relatives…’ 

You can explain: ‘Allah tells us in the Quran that we must always be fair. In our family, that means making sure that everyone shares the jobs fairly, so it is not too heavy for one person.’ 

The Reward for Bearing Difficulty 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5641, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘No fatigue, illness, anxiety, sorrow, harm, or sadness befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.’ 

This can be simplified for a child: ‘Even if you feel tired from doing a hard job, Allah rewards you for your effort and can even forgive your mistakes because of it. No difficult thing that you do is ever wasted in His sight.’ 

By linking household tasks to the principles of fairness and spiritual reward, children learn that difficult jobs are not punishments but opportunities to grow stronger, to practise patience, and to earn the pleasure of Allah.