How do I keep praise balanced so siblings do not feel overlooked? 

Parenting Perspective 

In families with more than one child, praise can sometimes spark competition instead of providing encouragement. When one sibling is praised for helping, the other may feel unnoticed, which can lead to jealousy, resentment, or a sense of being ‘less important’. This does not mean that you should withhold praise, but that it must be shared thoughtfully and fairly. Balanced praise helps to build a sense of teamwork and security, showing each child that their unique efforts are seen and valued. 

Children notice even the smallest differences in how their parents respond. If one child is consistently praised loudly while another’s efforts are only quietly acknowledged, the quieter sibling may begin to internalise the idea that they are less special. The key is not to praise everyone for the exact same thing, but to ensure that each child is recognised for their own individual contribution. 

Praise Individual Effort, Not in Comparison 

Avoid saying things like: ‘See how your brother helped just then? You should do that, too.’ Instead, focus your praise on each child’s own specific action. 

• ‘I noticed how you took the time to organise the books so carefully.’ 

• ‘I really appreciated how you carried the plates to the table without spilling anything.’ 

Share Praise Equitably 

Make a conscious effort to ensure that your praise is spread across all of your children over time. Even the smallest positive actions deserve recognition. 

• One child might be praised for their speed in completing a task. 

• Another could be praised for their patience. 

• A third might be praised for their creativity. 

This helps each child to feel valued for their unique strengths. 

Offer Praise in Private as Well as in Public 

Some children can feel embarrassed by public praise, while for others it can encourage showing off. A whispered, ‘I was so proud of how you helped me earlier,’ can often be just as powerful as public recognition. Private praise helps to prevent a sense of competition and reassures a child that you notice their good deeds even when there is no one else around. 

Rotate Opportunities for Praise 

You can give your children turns in completing the tasks that are most likely to lead to praise, such as setting the table, greeting guests, or feeding a pet. Rotating these duties ensures that each child has a visible opportunity to contribute and to be acknowledged for it. 

Mini Dialogue Example 

Child: ‘Why do you always say she is the best helper?’ 

Parent: ‘I do not think one of you is better than the other. You both help our family in your own different and important ways. Today I noticed that your sister set the table, and I also noticed that you were the one who reminded us all to say Bismillah. Both of those things were very important.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great emphasis on justice and fairness, especially within families. Children need to feel that their parents’ love, praise, and attention are shared equally, without favouritism. Offering balanced praise is not only good parenting; it is also a way of fulfilling the responsibility of fairness that has been commanded by Allah and modelled by the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. 

The Command of Justice Within Families 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 135: 

‘O you who are believers, remain upright in upholding justice, bearing witness (to such actions) for the sake of Allah (Almighty); even if it goes against your own interest, or that of your parents, or your close relatives…’ 

This verse reminds parents that being fair is a duty they have before Allah. You can explain: ‘Allah loves it when we are fair in everything we do. That means I must try to praise each of you in a way that is just and balanced.’ 

The Prophet’s Example of Fairness 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 3544, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just between your children.’ 

This hadith applies directly to the way we offer praise. For a child, it means: ‘The Prophet ﷺ taught parents that they must always be fair to all of their children. That is why we praise each of you for the good that you do, not more for one and less for the other.’ 

By linking the concept of balanced praise to the principle of fairness in Islam, you show your children that they are equally loved and valued. Over time, this creates a family culture where recognition strengthens the bonds of love rather than causing rivalry, and where each child feels seen and appreciated as an individual.