How do I handle it if helping turns into correcting other children? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children learn to help others, they sometimes cross the fine line into correcting or even bossing their peers around. Instead of quietly offering support, they may say things like, ‘You are doing that wrong, let me show you,’ or, ‘That is not how you are supposed to do it.’ While their intention may be good, this behaviour can upset their classmates, damage friendships, and discourage the very child they were trying to ‘help’. Your role as a parent is to guide them so that their attempts to help remain supportive and humble, not critical or controlling. 

It is natural for children to want to share what they know, but they must learn the difference between offering support and making a correction. Helping is about easing someone’s task or feelings, whereas correcting, especially when done harshly or without invitation, can come across as a display of superiority. 

Explain the Difference Between Helping and Correcting 

Start with a clear definition that your child can understand. You could say: ‘Helping means asking if someone wants support and then making things easier for them. Correcting means telling them what they did wrong. Sometimes, people do not want to be corrected, even if you are right.’ 

Teach Them to Ask for Permission First 

Encourage your child to always ask before offering advice. This trains them in the virtues of humility and patience. 

• ‘Would you like me to show you another way to do that?’ 

• ‘Do you want me to explain how I do it?’ 

If their peer says no, your child should learn to respect that boundary. 

Model Gentle and Suggestive Language 

Give your child specific scripts to replace blunt or critical corrections. 

• Instead of: ‘You are wrong,’ they could say: ‘Can I share something that helped me?’ 

• Instead of: ‘That is not how you do it,’ they could try: ‘There is another way you could try, if you would like.’ 

Gentle phrasing makes their advice feel supportive rather than judgemental. 

Use Role-Play to Practise 

At home, you can role-play scenarios where your child can practise offering help without sounding bossy. For example, you could pretend to be struggling with a task and let them try both the ‘bossy’ way and the ‘kind’ way of helping. Afterwards, you can reflect on which approach felt better to receive. 

Encourage Empathy 

Ask your child to imagine how they would feel in a similar situation: ‘How would you feel if someone shouted, “You are doing it all wrong,” in front of your friends?’ Helping them to imagine the other child’s perspective is a powerful way to build sensitivity. 

Praise Respectful Helping 

Whenever you see your child use gentle and respectful language, be sure to highlight it: ‘I really liked how you asked your cousin if they wanted your help before you started showing them what to do. That was very kind.’ 

Mini Dialogue Example 

Child: ‘But I was just trying to show them the right way to do it!’ 

Parent: ‘I know you wanted to help, but when you say it like that, it can hurt their feelings. Next time, maybe you could try asking, “Do you want me to show you a way that worked for me?” That is a kinder way to say it, and it gives them the choice.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that any help or advice we offer must be delivered with gentleness and respect. Even when we are correcting others, our approach should be rooted in humility, not in a sense of superiority. A child needs to understand that how they help is just as important as why they help. 

The Importance of Gentle Words in Guidance 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Taaha (20), Verse 44: 

‘But speak to him (Pharaoh) in a polite manner, so that he may realise, or be in awe (of what you are relating to him).’ 

This verse was revealed in the context of speaking to the Pharaoh, one of the most arrogant people in history. If Allah instructed for gentle words to be used even in that extreme case, it shows us that all our correction must be rooted in kindness. You can explain: ‘If even the prophets were told to use gentle words, then we must also be gentle when we are helping our friends.’ 

Choose Ease over Difficulty 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 636, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make things difficult, give glad tidings and do not cause aversion.’ 

This fits the situation perfectly. You can tell your child: ‘When you offer to help kindly, you make things easier for the other person. But if you speak harshly, you make it feel more difficult for them. The Prophet ﷺ always told us to choose the path of ease and encouragement.’ 

By teaching your child that helping is a form of mercy, not a display of authority, you connect their actions in the classroom or on the playground to their faith. Over time, they will learn that true service means uplifting others without making them feel small.