What should I do when a child copies a sibling’s lie to dodge blame? 

Parenting Perspective 

When siblings get into trouble together, it is common for one child to invent a story and for the other to repeat it. Parents can feel disappointed in these moments, not only because of the original mistake but also because of the shared dishonesty. This behaviour usually arises from a fear of punishment and a strong sense of loyalty between the siblings. They may believe, ‘If we stick to the same story, we can escape the consequences.’ Your task as a parent is to use this moment not only to correct the lie but also to teach responsibility, honesty, and the nature of a healthy sibling relationship. 

Recognise the Motive Behind Copying the Lie 

Children often copy a sibling’s lie for several reasons. 

• A fear of being the only one blamed for the mistake. 

• Pressure from the sibling who invented the original story. 

• A desire for unity and loyalty, believing that ‘covering’ for each other is the right thing to do. 

Understanding these motives can help you to respond in a way that strengthens their commitment to truthfulness without breaking their sibling bond. 

Stay Calm and Avoid Group Shaming 

Avoid shouting at both children together, as this can lead to further defensiveness and bonding over the shared lie. Instead, remain calm and, if possible, speak to each child individually. You could say: ‘I would like to hear from you, in your own words, what really happened.’ 

Emphasise Individual Responsibility 

Teach each child that they are responsible for their own truthfulness. You could explain: ‘Even if your brother or sister says something that is untrue, you do not need to copy it. Allah loves it when you say what really happened, even if it feels hard.’ 

Create Consequences That Repair, Not Divide 

If the lie was about a broken toy or a spilt drink, make both children part of the solution. However, you can still highlight the importance of honesty. 

• The child who admits the truth first can be praised for their courage. 

• Both children should then help in repairing or cleaning the mess. 

This ensures that the focus is on restoration, not on humiliation or division. 

Teach Positive, Truth-Based Sibling Loyalty 

Guide your children to understand that true sibling loyalty means supporting each other in being honest, not in covering up wrongdoing. You might say: ‘A good brother or sister is someone who helps you to do the right thing, not someone who helps you to hide the wrong thing.’ 

Mini Dialogue Example 

Parent: ‘I know you both said the same thing, but your story does not seem to match what I can see. I need you to tell me what really happened.’ 

Child 1: ‘…I was the one who knocked it over.’ 

Parent: ‘Thank you for being honest. That was very brave. And to you (Child 2), remember that you do not have to copy your sibling. I can trust you more when you tell me your own truth. Now, let’s all fix this together.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great importance on truthfulness and justice, even within families. Teaching siblings that honesty is a vital part of love and faith helps them to grow with both integrity and compassion for one another. 

Speaking the Truth, Even Concerning Loved Ones 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 135: 

‘O you who are believers, remain upright in upholding justice, bearing witness (to such actions) for the sake of Allah (Almighty); even if it goes against your own interest, or that of your parents, or your close relatives…’ 

This verse can be simplified for children: ‘Allah wants us to be truthful, even if it means admitting that we or someone we love has made a mistake. That is a sign of real courage.’ 

True Loyalty Is Found in Righteousness 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2444, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Support your brother whether he is an oppressor or oppressed.’ They said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, we support him if he is oppressed, but how do we support him if he is an oppressor?’ He said: ‘By stopping him from oppressing, that is your support for him.’ 

This hadith teaches a profound lesson about loyalty. It shows a child that truly helping a sibling does not mean covering up for them when they are wrong. Real support is gently guiding them back towards honesty and goodness. 

By linking the concept of truth to the love between siblings, you show your children that honesty does not weaken their bond; it makes it stronger. They learn that the best way to care for each other is by helping each other to do what is pleasing to Allah.